Adventures of an Exiled Aristocrat

What now?

2009-06-27T03:58:00.001-04:00

Now that you're back... I've no idea what to do.
Why can't you love me as much as I love you

DP

2009-04-19T02:27:00.001-04:00

uhhh`hm```````````` i'm abit drunk but sure do miss my bf. bastard. but i love him.

I <3

2009-03-20T11:39:00.003-04:00

I love love love this song. This is David Choi's cover. Funny he didn't change 'him' to 'her'...a song for the gay audience perhaps?!?! I kid.

So what have I been doing with myself? Well mainly working and keeping busy. I know I haven't a good blogger or cyberfriend for that matter. I write letters now to the special someone who's off to bootcamp. Yes. Letters. Primitive form of email!!!
Just because I don't write in this here blog doesn't mean I don't stalk my faves. I'm just too lazy to comment :P

I stumbled upon these words from another blogger:

"Nobody has the right to complain about their own lives.

People should stop moping in their own sadness - that they got a bad hand in life or they're unlucky. Cos then they don't make an effort to change.

We are ALL capable of being happy. But some of us just have to wait for it, or work for it.

Just cos you're overweight, or have bad skin or big bones, or a quiet voice or you're going bald, doesn't mean you should give up and whinge and whine and get depressed.

You have to make an effort to change. If you can't change what's 'wrong' with you, then you need to change your own view about it. And if you don't, then it's your own fault if you're a sad hermit for the rest of your life.

I've got a hundred things i'm working on for myself. I view myself as a bit of a mess. I'm like that. I have awful self issues and pick on everything about me - some with good reason, and some without.

There were some things i hated about myself that took a really long time to accept. I felt so unlucky. 'Why am i this way when others get it so easy?'

But once you realise that some things are beyond your control, you start to realise that there's nothing really wrong with having something or being a particular way in the first place.

It doesn't condemn you to a life of sadness. It doesn't prevent you from making good friends and being successful.

But if you can't take your mind off the bad things, when you should be striving for the good things, then it's really your own fault if life sucks."

From Mirrorboy.

I can't believe he's only 15. A precocious 15 year old. Damn I remember when I used to be one.

Remember

2009-02-26T02:03:00.003-05:00

Sorry guys. I'm in a bad spot right now. Really missing someone who'll be gone for like 6 mos. This is my song for him.

Dear John

2009-01-29T00:02:00.005-05:00

Dear______,

A day will come when I will no longer be part of your life. I dread the day when you start pushing me away because you could not come to terms with the real you. Because you feel that society predetermines your future or that our lifestyle is simply a choice. A day will come when I will regret never saying that I love you and I always will. I think you are the love of my life and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love everything about you--your dramas, your insecurities, the way you think you're fat when you're not.

There are many things that I don't dare say to you. I hate it when you cry. Whenever you cry, I wish I could be there to stop the tears. When your heart broke I wanted to pick up the pieces. Soon, you'll change and become someone you think you want to be--get married, have kids, be normal.

I just want you to be happy. As much as I think that turning away from what you really are is a big mistake, I don't think I can stop you.

I don't think you can ever return my love and so I choose not to do anything about it. Maybe time will come when I will have the courage to say it. I just hope it won't be too late.

Love always,

John

An Outing

2009-01-17T11:44:00.004-05:00

I groggily made my way to the bathroom down the hall. My Mom was in the kitchen and stopped me.

"My friend Anthony says he saw you at a bar."
"Which bar?" I replied
"I don't know. Somewhere in Ybor."

I knew what she was hinting at. I didn't have to confirm it, but I figured this was the moment. She turned to walk towards then kitchen.

"Mom. Do you know...?"
"Of course I do. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

Tears welled up and I cried. My mom rushed forward and hugged me.

"I still love you. You're my son. Always remember that."

That dear readers is how I came out to my Mom without drama, without even saying 'Mom, I'm Gay.'

My Dad was more nonchalant about it saying that they've known for quite some time now and have talked about it. He said the he loved me no matter what and I will always be his son.

Well I thought it would be a lot more dramatic than that, but I guess not. They've surprised me yet again.

Insecurities

2009-01-12T01:44:00.002-05:00

I am nowhere near an Oprah fan. My Aunt adores Oprah, even subscribes to the magazine. But I was at best indifferent. Larry King did an entire show about her weight gain. I instantly related to her. Here was this woman, so fabulously wealthy and super connected. Yet she's so ashamed about her size.

Like Oprah, my biggest insecurity is my weight. I am no twinky Asian. I wish I was. I just don't have that lean, small frame. It sucks! I have always been chubby except when I was a child. So I lost weight in high school, even made the football team. Then gained the weight back. So now I am fat again!

I need to lose lots of weight before my...25th birthday. Anyone have any advice? I've limited my diet to like 1500 calories a day. Whole grains only and more protein meals. I'm planning to change gyms so I can have a trainer. I was considering going to this doctor that specializes on weight loss. If I could take tina and coke to lose weight I would! If only it were legal...j/k.

Wish me luck guys!

Drunken Post

2009-01-11T04:06:00.003-05:00

I was really drunk last night. Had no idea how I got home. Thank God I saw friends in the club or else I'd have to take my ass home myself.
Interesting Events of the Night:

1. Saw people I met from another club in Orlando
2. Grinding with a cute Black Boy
3. His penis was enormous!
4. Propositioned into a threesome which I politely declined.
5. Met a couple (straight) who are in an open relationship. His wife gets turned on by cute gay guys.
6. Another cute guy stepped on my Prada loafers. He apologized. We made out.

The wonders of alcohol.

Lost Voice

2009-01-09T01:48:00.003-05:00

I feel that I have lost my voice.
Lost my footing and my anchor.
I no longer know who I am or what I want in life.
Everything has been scripted until now.
It's a quarter-life crisis.
My bff's leaving for boot camp in a few weeks and I am so saddened by it. I love him and not being able to talk to him for 6 months will prove to be quite trying. He's my wing man, my biggest critic, and my best applauder. Things have been incredibly rough for the last few months, but we managed.

As I get older, life is catching up with me. I no longer live in my bubble,no longer shielded from the world. I know what I have to do and what must be done. Yet, I am unsettled.

Right now, I just feel lost. Lost.

Wish Away

2008-12-24T22:02:00.002-05:00

I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas =)

This year hasn't been to kind to me, but if Dorothy can remain optimistic, then so can I.

Blind Date

2008-12-03T21:16:00.002-05:00

I've never been on one.

I have this fear of rejection and all that so I don't want to show up at a place and look like an idiot. I haven't even seen his picture! So I'm kinda hesitant about meeting him.

Blind dates. Good Idea or bad?

On an unrelated note, I'm GLAD SHE"S BACK!

I love this song. 'cuz i'm wetoddit like dut.

Ft. Lauderdale

2008-11-24T01:10:00.004-05:00

On Halloween weekend, my bestest friend got in an auto accident. Naturally, I rushed to his side to aid and comfort him as any good friend should. The car was totally wrecked, yet he survived with only scratches on his head and hands from the shards of glass. Seeing that he was fine, we decided to take a road trip to his newly-bought house in Ft. Lauderdale.

When we got there, three hours later, he remembered that the keys to the house were in his car. The one that got wrecked. So we decided to check into the nearest hotel I can find. We ended up at the Il Lugano.
It was probably one of the nicest boutique hotels I've ever stayed in. The rooms were fabulous.

They even had Bulgari bath amenities!

Anyway, we ended up at Dudes, a gay bar across the street and my friend hooked up with this couple looking for a threesome. I decided to just walk around and see Ft. Lauderdale on Halloween night. Then I saw him.

He was a blond blue-eyed eye candy. Tall,lean, yet muscular, with his hair spiked up. He approached me. He invited me back into Dudes where he bought me a drink. I was drunkety drunk drunk drunk 4 shots later. We decided to go to to my hotel room. Once there, we decided to do the deed. He rimmed me and I rimmed him...something I thought I would never ever do! And for the first time ever, I gave up my ehem...cherry. Yes. I had hot anal sex with a hot Russian. He was the first one who I allowed to f*ck me. At first it was painful, but it felt good after a while. His c*ck was HUGE! It must've been at least 9. He kept saying how sexy I was and kept nibbling on my ear. I loved it! I really shed all my hang ups and discovered that sex with total strangers is FANTASTIC! So thank you B! Thanks for a wonderful time!

Sex Ettiquette

2008-11-14T01:41:00.001-05:00

To the guy who I met last Wednesday night:

I do realize that NSA sex is just that. But please for the love of GOD follow these simple rules if you ever want to get laid.

1. Shower before meeting a potential sex partner.
I took the time to shower and clean every orifice. I sprayed myself with Dolce and Gabbana and smelled damned good. But you smelled like feces. You could have at least showered. I could smell the BO and it was definitely not a turn on.

2. Clean your house.
I thought gay men were suppose to be neat and tidy. You weren't. There was cat poop on your carpet! The smell of your house was overwhelming. It was a mixture of cat urine and cat poop. I wanted to puke.

3. No means NO!
When I say "this isn't happening", Don't chase after me. Even if you looked like Brad Pitt, but smelled like SHIT, I will NOT blow you.

Thanks for a ruined night. I knew I should have said yes to the other guy who showed me a face pic!

About Last Weekend

2008-10-29T19:11:00.004-04:00

I danced in the middle of the floor, with music thumping overhead.

thud. thud. thump.

I was already buzzed from my third drink of chivas. I was surrounded by men.

Then I realized, sometimes life is about dancing with yourself and being okay with it.

Sweet.

Attraction

2008-10-24T04:01:00.002-04:00

I have a crush on someone at work. He's cute, Chinese, tall and makes me laugh. He rides a motorcycle and looks oh so sexy when he gets on and off it. His leather jacket just make me go crazy. When we talk I just want to kiss him on his pouty, red lips. I imagine pursuing this crush since he seems to flirt back and my gaydar goes off when we talk.

But...

I'm his boss. Yep, I am his boss.

I don't wish to complicate my life at work. I don't want to break my own rules. I've already broken quite a few--including taking up smoking. But seriously, dating an employee...I can just imagine what would happen. Sexual harassment suits and all that.

If my head keeps on arguing against it, then why do I keep asking the What if's?...

What if I did kiss him?
What if he kissed me?
What if he did ask me out?

It's another slippery slope.

Slippery Slope

2008-10-24T03:45:00.001-04:00

One wrong decision in life can lead to circumstances of which you have no control. One bad choice might lead to another. This is what I have tried to avoid--the slippery slope. My friend Eric, on the other hand, is admittedly spontaneous and a little dense. He fell in love with his boss (who was straight), moved in with him and basically became the sugar mama. Eric paid for everything including the drugs which they used. The relationship finally broke up in June, much to my relief. But the repercussions are still being felt--only by Eric.

He was fired from his job because he did something illegal.

Now there's even more drama, he got a girl pregnant. Against my Catholic sensibilities, I advised the girl to get an abortion. From my assessment, it is the only sensible choice. My friend doesn't even know himself and is in no way ready for a child--neither is the mother. But still the pangs of Catholic guilt hang over me.

I love him like a brother and sometimes I just want to slap him in the face and tell him to grow up and accept who he is.

I don't need my own drama. My friends have more than enough for me to handle.

I tried that luv thing for the last time.

2008-10-11T04:07:00.006-04:00

This is how I feel right now. I feel a song coming on...

How did you get here
Nobody's supposed to be here
I've tried that love thing for the last time
My heart said no, no
Nobody's suppose to be here
But you came along and changed my mind

I've spent all my life
On a search to find
The love who'll stay for eternity
That heaven sent to fulfill my needs
But when I turn around
Again love has knocked me down
My heart got broke and oh it hurts so bad
I'm sad to say love wins again

So I placed my heart under lock and key
To take some time and take care of me
But I turn around and you're standing here

This time I swear I'm through
But if only you knew
How many times I've said those words
Then fall again, when will I ever learn

Knowing these tears I cry
There's probably black butterflies
Must take a chance
And spread my wings
Love can make ya do some crazy things

A Visitation

2008-10-09T00:53:00.003-04:00

I just got home from an evening with a former chatmate and my best friend. Chatmate was in town on business and contacted us saying he wanted to meet.

It was one of the best evenings ever. He's really a catch! Seriously though, he's intelligent, witty, humble, and cute! But I would put him in the 'friend' category. There just was no spark. He was all over my best though, caressing his arm, the lingering looks. I think they would make a great match except he lives up North and my friend lives down here. Long distance relationships never work out.

Dinner was fantastic with delicious freshly grilled seafood with a view of the water and sunset. Chatmate wanted to check out the nonexistent gay scene in Tampa, which I obliged. The first gay bar was empty and the other gay bar was closed.

We ended up in Starbucks.

He regaled us with stories about San Francisco, his hometown, and I was enthralled. I wish I could live in San Francisco. It seems like a magical city. He confirmed the feeling I got when I visited there. It felt like home. I really want to move there even more so than before.

Dallas Mini Birthday Vacation

2008-09-27T03:37:00.009-04:00

This post is long overdue. I spent my birthday weekend this month in Dallas. It was a blast! I am seriously thinking about moving there after I graduate this December (FINALLY!).

Stayed in a typical hotel room by Westin which I shared with my best friends. Beds were uber-comfortable and they even had a double-headed...shower!

I really didn't take very many pictures of my own beacuse:
a) my camera sucks
b) i wasn't in a picture-taking mood
c) the rest of my friends did all the 'kodakan'

We ate at Palomino's which is a great restaurant at a street which I now forgot. I had the paella. It was fantastic.

Then we met up with a friend of a friend--Marian and went clubbing at Purgatory. It was a straight club so I didn't dance as much as I wanted to. I still get self-conscious.

The next day I shopped 'til I dropped at NorthPark Mall which is a very beautiful place and paid a visit at Neiman on Main St. where I added Pradas to my small shoe collection. NorthPark Mall always has ongoing art exhibitions and this time it was sculptures out of cans. This one called 'chicken of the sea'...like the tuna.

That night, we went clubbin' at Station 4, probably one of the best gay clubs I've been to. It has a good mix of people and races. The tunes were awesome and I of course shook my booty to Lola Cyndi.

I even danced with some very very gorgeous men. I got drunk. You'll know I'm drunk when I start grindin' on a stranger's crotch. My friend got even drunker. I started talking like Patsy Stone and that was it. Apparently, the highlight of the night was when my friend D kissed his Thai crush! It was a kilig moment!

The next day we visited Six Flags Over Texas.

I don't do roller coasters, but somehow my friends convinced me to ride the Texas Giant. It was probably one of the roughest rides of my life. I was bruised by the end of the ride. I saw the cutest Half Asian Everr! He was so cute and he was PLU! I was too intimidated to flirt! Oh Well at least I took a picture of the Green Lantern!

And What a Lantern it is!

We finished the night by eating at Nick and Sam's, one of THE BEST steakhouses in Dallas. the waiters were beautiful, the wine was excellent, and the chateaubriand melted in your mouth.

All in all, it was the best birthday EVER!

Next year we plan to take a bite out of the Big Apple...

BIG G

2008-09-05T22:04:00.002-04:00

I'm currently blogging from the Westin Hotel in downtown Dallas. I've just finished eating a sumptuous dinner at Palomino's when two gays, one dressed in a yuppie attire and the other--dressed in a peach-colored woman's top with matching peach jacket and rouged face, walked in.

Damn! I told my friend he/she could have at least worn a nice Chanel suit and some cheap outfit. If you're gonna be a tranny, might as well live it to the fullest. Dallas is full of gays. I have never seen more gays, except in San Francisco. Big D should be renamed Big G--Gaytown.

Dallas is fine, but it's kinda dead at night. Am waiting for a local friend to show me around town later tonight.

Palomino's was great! The tilapia my friend ordered was fantastic. I had the paella. Will post pics later. Gotta shower now. Ciao!

~~~

On a separate note, I got an outsider's point of view when Empress Maruja blogged about the Democratic and Republican conventions. Interesting!

Life After the Downfall

2008-08-21T00:39:00.005-04:00

After the Marcoses fell, after Ninoy so valiantly sacrificed his own life, what has become of the Philippines?

Tough question eh?

To this day, the country still bears the Marcos baggage.

How can I be proud of a government that counts people as its biggest export?

Bond. James Bond.

2008-07-24T01:44:00.006-04:00

Saw the new Bond trailer. Can't wait til it comes out.

There's been a rumor that Amy Winehouse won't be doing the Bond theme.

Too bad.

Here's what it would have looked like if she did it for Casino Royale.

Realizations

2008-07-24T00:30:00.003-04:00

I saw The Dark Knight today with Sam. Needless to say, I'm sure all you heard how wonderful it was--the best Batman movie ever, etc.

It is.

During the movie, I was shocked. Shocked that he put his hand on top of mine and held it there til the movie ended. I don't think I can go down that road again. I admit that for sometime since we broke up, I've been lonely.

Yes. Lonely.

I do keep busy with work as it has gotten more complex. But late at night, when I lie in bed I miss him hugging me. I miss waking up next to someone. I know things won't ever go back to what they were. It'd be all too easy to just get back together though. But I can never give him what he wants, at least not now.

Because I am a coward.

I am sorry Sam.

Announcement

2008-07-16T23:49:00.003-04:00

I've just deleted a comment posted by a blogger that I do not know. The comment was directed towards another blogger who I read quite often. I do believe in free speech, but please keep it to constructive comments. Attacking others in the comments section is really low.

I've decided to moderate all comments. This is no democracy. This is MY blog.

If you want to read hateful comments, there are plenty of blogs who specialize in that.

Thank you for reading my dribbles.

AbFab Airhead

2008-07-10T00:48:00.004-04:00

I first heard this song on one of McVie and the Fabcasters' podcasts. I absolutely loved it.

Then I thought I wonder if it has anything to do with AbFab?

Well duh! I found this youtube video. The song was made just for the show.

Yes, I can be a himbo at times.

Then I started watching the entire series while working on my papers and projects til 4AM.

I almost snorted out my tea while laughing when I saw this:

Independence

2008-07-04T12:09:00.003-04:00

Right now, I feel that there are many misconceptions around the world about America. They feel that we are oppressors, tyrants, greedy, monstrous people. But I beg to differ. We have been misrepresented. From my travels around the country, I can tell you that Americans are kind-hearted, generous and fun-loving people.

It's just that the government--rather the current administration--does not reflect the same values.

This election year, I hope that things will definitely change. I feel that we will once again be friends. Change is in the air and I am ever so excited!

Honor the past. Look to the Future. Change what is needed in the present.

Hope. We live on it.

Nothingness

2008-06-28T00:06:00.002-04:00

I've never liked taking summer classes. I really detest doing schoolwork when the weather outside is too hot and sticky. I should be lounging by the pool or on the beach reading my favorite books. I've accumulated too many books which I have not yet read.
I don't feel very fabulous lately. I am in need of some dire retail therapy.
I did just finish reading Jessica Zafra's Twisted 8.
I loved it.
It really brings Manila to a different level of understanding for me especially the short stories.
Buy it. Read it.
My next book is Murakami's 69.

~~

Texas Junket

2008-06-11T21:53:00.005-04:00

Here are some pictures of San Antonio and Dallas. I should've posted them long ago. My impression of Texas? Big and Fun! I thought it was just as state full of cowboys and homophobes. Little did I know. Texans are proud of their state and are extremely friendly people. I started my trip in Dallas to pick up friends and drove through Austin and into San Antonio then back to Dallas again. Tiring, but fun with friends.

Reunion Tower. The Hyatt Regency is on the left.

I love this building. Looks like a rocket ready to take flight. Apparently, it was designed by I.M. Pei.

Downtown Dallas

Ate at a fabulous Japanese place. Yes. I finished it all. Except for the rice.

Once we got to San Antonio, I insisted that we take the river boat cruise. Saw these chica ladies in hats.

A long time ago, the San Antonio River flooded all the time. So what did the Government do? Control the river! Flood gates and so on were created. San Antonio's Ladies Society (from what I can recall the guide telling me) decided to create a park along the riverbanks where people can walk and enjoy themselves.

San Antonio is a very lovely picturesque city. Full of tourists and old people. Hence, the night life kinda stinks. No one told us that Austin was so much better at night.

Here's the obligatory shot of the Alamo. It looks much better at night. It's where Texas fought for independence against Mexico. Yes. Texas used to be part of Mexico. Then it became it's own independent country until annexation by the US. Read about it here.

I'll be going back to Dallas in soon. I didn't even get to see the original Neiman Marcus store!

A Fitting End

2008-06-03T01:06:00.004-04:00

I finished watching Sex and the City. For the first time ever, I was carded by the ticket lady. I was very flattered since I am nowhere near underage. I used to watch SATC in high school for God's sake.

Some thoughts about it:
I love how Carrie wore the fur coat from the very first episode.
I love how Carrie said "Just get me a really BIG closet." Awesome.
I love how Samantha still has sex and how love finally got her.
I love the clothes, the shoes, the bags.
Mr. Big is still one hot daddy.

I wasn't too fond of Miranda's hair.
Steve's aged considerably. We're talking crow's feet.
The product placements were too overwhelming.
The Louise character was unnecessary and a waste of Hudson's talent. It was all fluff. The whole entire assistant thing was just weird. I couldn't even imagine Carrie hiring an assistant when the show was still on. I have to agree with Jessica Zafra, Louise was put there by Louis Vuitton.

Overall it was like seeing old friends again. The final scene made me feel old and sad. It a fitting end for the four girls. I hope they don't make a sequel it'll definitely just ruin it. Sometimes things are better left alone so that we can appreciate it for years to come. Plus, who really wants to see Samantha have sex when she's like 60...

Watch it. You won't regret it. I am DEFINITELY buying the dvd when it comes out.

Tag-a-long

2008-06-02T22:47:00.007-04:00

I've been tagged by Corporate Closet to list ten random things about me.

Rules First:
1. List ten random things about yourself.
2.Post the rules.
3.Choose ten other people to tag so that it spreads like a virus.
4. Comment on their site that they have been tagged.

Random Things About Me.

1. I do smoke, but only when I drink. There's nothing like a cigarette when drinking scotch. I really only drink when I go out with friends. Hence, I can't even be qualified as a smoker.

2. I admire Drag Queens and transvestites. I really love love love how some of them can look like the most beautifully dressed women. It takes a lot of balls for someone to go out there in a dress.

3. I hope to see people who I haven't seen someday soon. I have family all over the world. Dubai, London, Berlin and Australia--I haven't seen some of my Aunts since I was 12. Sad huh?

4. Rice is my downfall. Every time I have a week of eating rice rice rice I gain weight weight weight. I also love ice cream. I've battled with my weight since after high school when I stopped being active in sports. The Freshman fifteen for me was more like the Freshman fifty. And it got worse. I've yo-yo'ed weight-wise for years. I've finally come to the realization to cut out rice forever.

5. I fear growing old. Whenever I hear about old classmates marrying or having children I think to myself "Fuck! I'm OLD!"

6. I have special underwear to wear when I go on dates. Call it 'lucky underpants'.

7. I love the idea of being in love. But I just can't seem to surrender myself to the other person's every whim. The last relationship was all give and no take. I do still love him, but it just wasn't working out. As Samantha always said "I love you. But I love me more."

8. I listen to Ted Failon and Korina Sanchez whenever I can. They're better on the radio where they can express their opinions and make fun of politicians, but in a way that even the politicians themselves cannot decipher. I think Korina is the bomb, but her show on TV is CORNY.

9. My biggest insecurity is still about my body. I don't wear shorts because of it. But don't get me wrong, I am comfortable in my own skin and I do love love love myself!

10. Fantasy: Rough sex. Imagine when a gorgeous guy with chiseled muscles just comes up to me and asks "Wanna f*c*?" He then proceeds to have his way with me calling me all kinds of dirty names. And he just does me really good like when your head keeps hitting the headboard. Then he would force me to...well...let's not get carried away. This isn't Kwentong Kalibugan.

There you have it.

Now I tag Reyna Elena, Empress Maruja, Bryan, Q the Conqueror, Rye and Chase--with hope he will come back to blogging.

~~
On a separate note, A special thanks to Manolo Quezon for mentioning my post on Meralco on his blog. Kinda embarassed because I really write about stupid stuff. Anyway I think you are ADORABLE Manolo. There's nothing sexier in a man than intelligence and a passion for his cause.

A Bad Investment

2008-05-26T22:11:00.003-04:00

I am sure that most people in the Philippines know of Manila Electric company or better know as MERALCO. During the past few weeks, The Philippine Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) which owns a substantial share of MERALCO have decided to try to take over the company through a proxy fight. The GSIS President, the ever honorable bag of gas that is Winston Garcia, has decided that MERALCO overcharges its consumers and have mismanaged the company. GSIS invests money into MERALCO in order to turn a profit which is then used to pay for the pensions of thousands of civil servants.

The management of a company's number one priority should be to increase shareholder wealth. They are in fact owners of the company. To this effect, I believe that MERALCO's current management has held its end of the bargain. Only when the government has started to talk about a takeover is when the stock price began to plummet.

Hence, I am still VERY hesitant about investing in the Philippines.

Whenever government dabbles too much into the affairs of business, it ends into a tangled mess with politicians pocketing profits more than the shareholders. When a friend or a business associate asks me if I hold investments in the Philippines, I reply with a consistent "No."

I am sorry to say that the stock market has not fully matured. There are too many backroom deals with companies exchanging hands through a drunken night of mahjong. The corruption of government regulators is rampant and my confidence has continually eroded. Winston Garcia's current theatrics has added to the reputation of Philippine capital markets as being volatile and corrupt.

It doesn't end there. Several politicians have proposed that all text messages be free so as to alleviate the situation of the poor. The government should think long and hard before mandating this preposterous proposal. It would be another blow against private enterprise at the guise of helping the poor.

Then again, can anyone be really surprised?

Elections are coming soon and the dogs must be given their bone. Harsh reality. But sometimes we all need a reality check.

American Boy

2008-05-24T20:19:00.003-04:00

I love love love this song!
Am not sure if it's new or old.
I guess I'm no longer hip :(

Whenever I hear this Danity Kane song, it reminds me of high school.

Nostalgia's nice once and a while right?!?!
Speaking of nostalgia, Sam and I have talked and have remained friends...or something like it. I did sleep with him last night. No sex though. We just slept. Blame it on a pitcher of mojitos. But it was nice waking up next to him again.

Deadwood

2008-05-07T23:19:00.002-04:00

I'm currently watching a Deadwood marathon. Seasons 1 to 3. I feel sooooo macho with the cussin' and fightin' and cussin'. I swear I haven't heard the words shit, fuck, motherfucker, cocksucka etc. so much in my entire life.

Here's a clip:

Goddamned cocksucka!

Oh. wait.

I am one.

Ciao!

Guess What I Got!

2008-05-07T22:49:00.002-04:00

I bought them on a whim during my holiday in Dallas. They were on my list and I finally gave in and bought them. J'adore!

I wore them the very same night I bought them and I must say that I got plenty of compliments especially from T-Boy, my one night stand in Dallas.

Pep Talk

2008-05-04T03:31:00.004-04:00

"...Pain or damage don't end the World or despair or fuckin' beatings .
The World ends when you're dead.
Until then, you got more punishment in store.
Stand it like a man and give some back..."
-Al Swearengen

Scared

2008-04-28T23:28:00.004-04:00

The past few days have been crazy.

I have not been myself.

Work, school, exams, are just taking up almost all of my time.
My relationship with Sam has been suffering.

The trip to Texas has led me to question certain things about my relationship with Sam.
I know he wants to take it to the next level, even hinting at meeting my parents.
That's something I'm not prepared to do.

To further exacerbate things, I met someone in Dallas.
I'm not one to have sex with a guy I just met.
But it just happened. It was only a one night stand.
Yet, he has called me several times.

I guess I'm not ready for a fully drawn out relationship.
That's something I cannot give, at least not now.
Sam and I are in a "cool off" period.

It's obvious that we're no longer on the same page.

Flying

2008-04-17T05:50:00.002-04:00

I'm currently waiting for my flight to board.

I'm going to Texas to visit some friends and relax for a few days.

Sam's not with me.

This is ME time!

I'll post pictures of my trip.

Rumors

2008-04-08T00:19:00.005-04:00

There's been a rumor going around at work.
They say that I had been dating my friend Janny and fathered her child.

Little do they know.

When I told the story to Janny while holding my Goddaughter she laughed uncontrollably.

So did her husband Gary.

They know about me and Sam.

The easiest way to spread company policy and new directives isn't by memo or text or email. It's good ol' fashioned gossip through the grapevine. What's interesting is that before I heard these rumors of me having an affair and fathering a child, there was another rumor that I was gay. Of course I neither confirm nor deny any rumors. It's more fun that way.

I like to think that others think of me as a mystery. Plus, it's really much easier to manage people if you don't reveal too much about yourself. Almost all of my subordinates know very little about my personal life and I'd like to keep it that way. I like to keep work and home separate as much as possible. Never mix business with pleasure as they say.

There was also another rumor that one of the department heads, Carrie, was pregnant. After all, she was a big woman and it was hard to tell.

As I approached Carrie, I rubbed her large, protruding belly and said, "Congratulations on the baby!"

With a quizzical look and a raised brow, Carrie replied "What baby?!?! I'm not pregnant."

I turned beet red and apologized.

Good thing she was a sport about it all.

Painting by Rose Freymuth-Frazier

A Deep Divide

2008-04-08T00:00:00.003-04:00

In reading Jessica Zafra’s blog entry “A Condensed History of the Rich”, Zafra contends that the oligarchic tendency of the Philippine social structure as well as its penchant for bossism and nepotism ultimately contribute to the cycle of poverty. The end result is a wide and deep income inequality. That is to say, that those at the top earn disproportionately more compared to those at the bottom of the economic barrel. This inequality cycles itself therefore not allowing the country to prosper as a whole.

Got that?

This can certainly be seen in the case of many industrialized nations. For instance, look at the United States. A strong middle class brought about by the industrial revolution allowed the country to prosper. But this was not always the case. So-called robber barons of the late 1800’s dominated America’s industries. Then the income tax came about. The progressive income tax is seen as a leveler of inequality. Tax the rich more than the poor. After all, they can afford. Furthermore taxes such as the Inheritance or Estate Tax ensured that family wealth would not stay “in the family” for generations to come. In this way oligarchies were broken. New entrepreneurs were encouraged and the country benefited as a whole.

If income inequality is the root of the problem, then government has the power to fix it through a progressive income tax rather than the regressive consumption tax known as the VAT. It is unconscionable that the Philippine government tax the poor at the same rate as the rich.

How is this possible you ask?

Let’s say there is 1 peso a tax on sardines. Since the poor would essentially consume the same number of cans of sardines as the rich (theoretically), then the same tax rate of 1 peso per can of sardines would apply to both of them. Proportionately, the 1 peso tax would hurt the poor man more since…well…he’s poor.

Then why oh why is GMA proclaiming that the RP will be a first world nation within a generation? It’s an estimate that is premature and certainly unrealistic given the current situation. The GDP did grow 7 percent, yet most of the gains were garnered by the rich and the poor felt little. Trickle down economics has not worked. A lot of work needs to be done before anyone can proclaim the Philippines as first world. Open your eyes and see the poor in Baseco, Tondo, Payatas, and a myriad of other “informal settlements”. Look at those living beside the antiquated railway.

It’s time for a revolution. The patchwork solutions of former administrations have not worked. Wake up and smell the stench from the Pasig River running right through your backyard.

Oh Bother!

2008-03-31T23:35:00.004-04:00

When in a relationship, things have to be decided together. Certain liberties that you once took for granted are gone. The days of carefree and inconsequential decisions are over. This was the case the other night.

As many of you know, I lead a very busy life with work and school full time. Certain luxuries like spontaneous dinners or lunches must be scheduled. I adhere to my schedule religiously. Last weekend, I got an unexpected call from an old college friend, Maria. She's a fabulous European exchange student from Greece who I met at my old alma mater. During her stint at school, we went club hopping, bar hopping, shopped together, and ogled cute boys on the beach. When Maria met her boyfriend Vlad and moved to LA with him, I was so sad. So naturally, when she came to town I dropped everything and accepted her invite to go to dinner.

We ended up in Ybor City at the Acropolis Greek Taverna where they served really great Greek food.They even had belly dancers gyrating to music. It was like being in a Sultan's Harem. I had such a good time that I left my cellphone in the car without knowing it.

When the night was over, I took Maria back to her sister's house and opened my cellphone.

Twenty missed calls. All of them from Sam.

I called him back, but he didn't answer the phone. So, I naturally shrugged it off and figured that I'd call him in the morning.

The next day my phone rang at 8am. It was him and he was pissed.

Sam: Why didn't you answer your phone?

Me: Sorry. I left it in the car. I didn't realize it 'til later. I was with an old college friend, Maria. I hadn't seen her in like a million years.

Sam: Well that was really inconsiderate of you. You couldn't pick up the phone and tell me where you were? You know you always do this. You always think about yourself. You never think about me.

At this point in the conversation, my ears started ringing and I was starting to get mad.

Me: You know what. I'll call you later when this is out of your system.

I promptly hung up the phone.

In analyzing the situation, I must admit that I was wrong. I should have called him. I should have said I was going out with friends. But he didn't have to get all loud and aggravated at me! Relationships do take a lot of work and patience. Sometimes I think he's worse than my Mom. He calls me on his breaks, during his lunches, on my breaks and lunches, when I go home, when I wake up, not to mention all the text messages.

It gets tedious.

Then again I guess it's a small price to pay for having someone who you can say loves you as much as you love them.

As for the fight, don't worry. It all blew over a few days later. Literally and figuratively.

We always seem to have the best sex after fighting.

Self-Pity

2008-03-27T22:20:00.002-04:00

I just finished watching a recent episode of the Correspondents. It was about students studying in the Philippine National School for the Blind. I cannot even imagine what it is like to be blind ;not being able to see colors and the beauty of the world. You would think these students would just give up. Instead, they learn how to become self-sufficient and independent.

Unfortunately, after graduating from high school most of them find it difficult to be enrolled in colleges and universities. Worse yet, they find it even more difficult to find jobs.

I do realize that the Philippines is not like the United States. I do know that many of the opportunities that exist here are not afforded to many in the Philippines.

What can Filipinos do? You ask.

As one of the blind teachers said in the program,

“We don’t need pity. We need opportunity.”

These people are not wallowing in self-pity. They are making the most of what they can. They are fighting back against their disabilities and showing their worth. Please give them a chance. If you’re in Human Resources, a manager, or someone in a position to give them the opportunity to show their skills, please do so. All they need is reasonable accommodation.

Give them a chance.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T00:13:00.003-04:00

I was going to post some new stuff, but I remembered that it's Good Friday. Out of deference to all Christians, I will not post it until Easter.

I remember my Lola would always tell me that Jesus would die on Friday and since Christ would not be around until Sunday, we should all behave and be good lest the devil should take our souls and aswangs attack!

I will take the opportunity now to answer questions and comments.

@Quentin- SATC the movie comes out May 30 in the US. I think. I hope.
@Rye- I am soooo excited to see it! I count the days!
@Nelson- I had no idea there was such a group as the Gucci Gang. I don't believe that the Philippines is a nation of thieves, just a majority of those in power.

For those who commented about the political situation in the Philippines, keep in mind that all things come to pass. Even GMA's Administration. There is an end to all things.

Thank you for the comments and for those who read though my posts have become few and far between.

Can't Wait!

2008-03-13T23:55:00.002-04:00

I am so stoked about seeing this movie!

Hell Hath No Fury

2008-03-09T01:34:00.002-05:00

For those of you who don't read Bryanboy, this blog has been introduced on one of his posts. It's written by an ex-boyfriend of DJ Montano, one of the members of Manila's young, elites. They call themselves the Gucci Group. This blog has really exposed the Manila Elite.

Trust me. For those who live in Manila--the Philippines for that matter, you will recognize their names. I, of course, withhold all judgments. I am just here to read. But from what I can see. The guy should get his money back.

Hell hath no fury like a jilted lover.

Click Here to read the blog which will be THE TALK of the Town.

Tama na Dong!

2008-03-06T23:06:00.002-05:00

Whenever she speaks, it always makes me laugh.
Imagine if you had to be one of her kids!
I guess that she's a prime example of a showbiz mom.

A Cardinal Sin

2008-02-27T23:50:00.001-05:00

Read this in Conrado de Quiros' column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

"That reminded me, I said, of what I saw on TV, which was one of Arroyo’s baubled, bangled and beaded, quite apart from heavily cosmeticized, friends defending her ardently on TV by saying, “GMA [Arroyo] evil? That’s like calling me a prostitute!”

What can one say? One rests one’s case.

"Corazon Aquino is asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt, the schools are asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt, business is asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt. And the Catholic bishops are asking Arroyo to remain because she can help fight the corrupt? That has got to be the joke of the century."

Cardinal Sin is rolling over in his grave.

A Primer

2008-02-27T22:39:00.002-05:00

I saw this on ABS-CBN NOW. Thanks to the person who posted it on Youtube. It really formed my opinion.

Part2
Part3
Part4

Just some observations:

1. Lozada might be OA and dramatic, but the man is telling the truth.
2. There really were anomalies to the contract which GMA signed.
3. GMA still has deniability in ALL of this.
4. A Broadband Network linking all of the Philippines?!?! Are you f’ng out of your mind?!?! There are still places that don’t have electricity or paved roads! Why not do those first? Bah!

I’ll have a longer post about this topic.

How's that "Burjer"?

2008-02-20T17:12:00.004-05:00

I just thought that this was funny. It made me laugh, then cough uncontrollably.

Hamburjer anyone?

~~
In other news, yours truly has been fighting a bout with bronchitis. I was forced to go to the doctor after I saw specks of blood on a tissue after coughing. All the medicine I've been taking is making me high.

Lunch Date

2008-02-14T22:58:00.005-05:00

Since Sam was going to leave for business on the 14th, we decided to celebrate last night. I came over his apartment last night and he had Al Green playing. Well one ting lead to another...and there I was finding myself in an uncompromising position... between his legs.

The next day I woke up to Sam kissing me on the lips and he slowly and achingly made his way down to my 'special no-no spot' which he proceeded to ravage with gusto. The afterglow stayed with me throughout the rest of the day. That's the thing about sex. When it's good, the endorphins can last for a very long time.

We finally dragged ourselves out of bed and decided to have lunch at Cafe Alma.

I had the Salade Niçoise. It was absolutely delicious. There was perfect balance between the sweetness of the balsamic reduction dressing and the saltiness of the capers. The leafy greens were fluffy and light and the fresh tuna was seared to perfection.

Sam had the Sauteed Calamari. It was served on a bed of baby spinach. I, of course, had to taste it. It was absolutely yummy.

Since I'm not suppose to have sugar, Sam shared his creme brulee with me. The sugar was hard and cracked when hit with a spoon which is how creme brulee should be.

The decor could use a little improvement though. I'm not feeling the whole Bohemian, dark interiors. Still, it's a fantastic place because of the food and the great service.

Hope y'all 'got it on' on VDay!

Bathroom Fight

2008-02-13T16:11:00.003-05:00

To me, nothing says I love you like cleaning your boyfriend's dirty, nasty, stinky bathroom. Sam found me hunched over the tub scrubbing furiosly a la Joan Crawford. The smell of bleach waffed throught his entire apartment. What can I say? Nothing smells cleaner than bleach. If it can kill plants, it can kill germs!

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Cleaning." I retorted. "You can literally write on the soap scum. See?"
I pointed at the spot where I wrote 'Clean Me.'
"Ok." Sam replied curtly.

I knew he was upset. Had I stepped over the line? Did I do the wrong thing by finally taking action? I hinted to him several times over about the bathroom being 'a little skanky'.

He was silent through dinner. We had the classical music playing in the background. I fiddled with the chicken. I didn't have much of an appetite. He cleared the plates and I retreated to the bedroom where I worked on papers for school. A few hours later, the chill was still in the air and he tok off his clothes and jumped into bed. I laid down beside him and he turned on the TV. Breakfast at Tiffany's was playing.

"I love this movie." I said.

He only grunted.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I upset you. It's just that I don't like dirty bathrooms and I have like an OCD on cleanliness. I'm a neatfreak. You know that."

I gave him the sad puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry too. It's just that I was embarassed," he said.

I snuggled up next to him and put my head on his shoulders. He took my hand and intertwined our fingers. Audrey Hepburn sang.

"I love you baby."
"I love you too."

I looked into his eyes and kissed him. He spooned me.
To Sam, Nothing says I love you like spooning.

~~~
Happy Valentines Day everyone and a wonderful S.A.D to the rest !

A Very British Sex Scandal

2008-02-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

In 1954, the larger-than-life Prime Minister Winston Churchill decided to appoint a committee to investigate whether the Government should change policies towards homosexuals. The Wolfenden Committee ultimately made a decision which changed the lives of Gay Britons. This documentary was created in celebration of the Committee's proposal which ultimately decriminalized homosexuality.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Gasparilla

2008-02-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

This post is waaaaaaayyyyy overdue!

Gasparilla is an annual festival here in Tampa. It celebrates pirates. Yes. Pirates. It's held every year at the end of January and is over 100 years old.

It's to commemorate the sacking of Tampa, then Ybor City, by the pirate Jose Gaspar who supposedly sailed up Tampa Bay and pillaged the town. The celebrations begin during midday when the Jose Gaspar, a restored ship, sails towards downtown Tampa along with hundreds of other boaters. The ship would then dock and the pirates would demand the keys to the city which the Mayor of Tampa would readily give.

Then the pillaging of booty would begin and the pirates would parade downtown throwing beads to wenches who show their boobies.

Gasparilla. Another debauched tradition of the so-called Christian Conservatives of the South.

(Photos from Google and the St. Petersburg Times)

LDR Rules?

2008-02-07T01:34:00.000-05:00

I just got back from having dinner with Same and his friends. Two them are Thai, one was Chinese, and another was Puerto Rican. It comes as no surprise that all of them are gay. The conversation turned towards the topic of long distance relationships. The Chinese guy admits to having a boyfriend back in Hong Kong and has an "open relationship". I admitted to having bad experiences with LDR's and open relationships.

"Well John, have you heard of the rules?" he asked coyly.

1. Don't fall in love.
2. Only blow jobs are allowed.
3. Absolutely NO ANAL SEX!
4. It's just sex, fucking, fornicating. Nothing more.
5. Don't fall in love.

Apparently they've been following these rules for four years now.

I was astonished.

~~
On a side note, if you're ever in Tampa try Gallagher's Steakhouse. It's a branch of the original one in New York. The steak is just as fantastic and the service impeccable. Try the aged Porterhouse and the potatoes au gratin.

C U N ext T uesday

2008-02-05T17:34:00.001-05:00

It all started with the word CUNT.
Atonement is one of those movies that truly affected me.

I didn't cry nor was I horrified. After watching it I just felt so bad for the Brionie. The guilt and the pain that she lived through must have been so inconceivable. It's easy for us to tuck away our sins and not think of the consequences, but the ghosts of our actions will always haunt us.

I highly highly recommend this movie. Definitely an Oscar winner. Even Sam liked it and he thought it was going to be one of those chick flicks.

Real Love

2008-01-22T03:20:00.000-05:00

I was reading Reyna Elena's post and found out about Kik’s little project about writing something based on our own experiences with m2m love and relationships.

Here’s mine.

A few years ago, when I first moved to Florida from the place where I grew up, the pangs of loneliness and despair were thick and palpable. I had fleeting experiences with the same sex before, but never engaged in a full-on relationship. I had never loved a man. Then I discovered the world of Yahoo chat rooms.

I connected with so many people and some remain close friends to this day. It was the first time that I really explored and finally admitted to myself about my sexuality. Anyway, it was then that I met Bill. He was the STAR of the chat room. He was the darling, the one who would hold shows…you know what type of shows they were. I was instantly smitten. Plus, the fact that I had never been with a Pinoy really turned me on. Bill and I eventually forged an online relationship and I fell hard. I treated it as if it was a real relationship. Sadly, he didn’t reciprocate. It was a few weeks later that I learned that he had a new boyfriend in Manila. I cried for days on end. He explained that we should have an open relationship. I turned a blind eye. I was so determined that I would have him back and that he would be mine. He would say again and again that he loved me.

Letting go was not an option.

Eventually, I did let go with the help of friends who finally made me see the light. Unfortunately, whenever he would im me and turn on his cam, I turned to mush and granted his every wish.

I finally met him in person when I visited Manila. He insisted that he meet me late one night. I’ll never forget that night when I finally saw him in the flesh. Yes, we had sex and it was fantastic. But it was only sex for him. It was making love for me.

A week later~~
It was my last night in Manila and my flight was leaving in a few hours. I had just finished dinner with J, a friend who took time off to guide me through the city. He even offered to take me to the airport. I said no; thinking that Bill would take me. I called and called and sent text messages to Bill’s number. There was no reply. I realized that it was the end. I cried and cried and finally called a very good friend who was in town. I tearfully told my story. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
I had been so foolish. I neglected to see the people who really loved me for who I am and not for what I have. I regret not letting J take me to the airport. I regret not making a move on J who is one of the sweetest guys I know.

So, what I had was not a real love. What I had was…well I don’t know. Now that I’m older and wiser (I hope!), I don’t put my heart as much out there as I used to. Gone are the days when “I love you’s” were said after a date or a conversation.

I am lucky in my relationship now. I don’t know if it will last. No one really knows what the future holds. But what I do know is that I love. Even after all the heartaches, I still love. We move on. We have to.

Real Love is out there. But just like snow, it can only form when the circumstances are just right. And if you’re truly lucky, just like snow, it’ll fall from the sky on the greyest of grey days.

Visit Mandaya Moore-Orlis for a great post on this topic.

In Spite of Me

2008-01-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

I looked at his face in the darkness of the room. I was lying next to him and he was breathing deeply, not snoring. Just breathing deeply. I kissed him lightly on the lips and it startled him.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked groggily.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

He nestled in closer to my face and intertwined his hands with mine.
At that moment I knew that I loved him.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too.” He said.

We kissed deeply and I was giddy with delight.

I didn’t even notice that his hand had crept into my pants and my special no-no spot.

What pushed me to do this? Well, several of you made comments about my previous post urging me to give it a whirl and take the plunge.

But no.

That wasn’t the deciding factor.

We had a fight last weekend in which he gave me the cold shoulder treatment. As he perused his law books, I couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked.

I love the way he smells
I love the way his eyes twinkle when he laughs.
I love it when he holds my hand under the table
I love it when he laughs at my stupid jokes, the way he undercuts my cynicism.
I love when he wakes me up in the wee hours to make love before he goes to work.

Then why couldn’t I say it?

Then all of the sudden, as I was looking for my favorite Coke Zero in the local grocery store. This song started playing…

And that my friends, is what made me say I Love You.

the Sam Saga Continues

2008-01-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

I've been spending an inordinate amount of time with Sam lately. I still don't know what we are. We haven't discussed exclusivity or anything like that. The first time we met after his three-week vacation in Thailand was electric. I came over his apartment to return his keys and drop off his mail. As soon as I walked into the door, he hugged me and we kissed. Eventually we found our way to his bed. The sex was amazing. As he reached the throes of orgasm, he blurted "I love you."

I was silent. I'm hoping he didn't notice that I didn't say it back.

He took me out to dinner last night and he answered what had been bugging my mind.

"Why me?" I asked while cutting into my veal.

"What do yo mean?"

"What do you like so much about me?"

"You always know how to make me laugh." he said matter-of-factly.

I smiled and held his hand under the table. It's our thing. We hold hands under the table.

It still doesn't quell certain anxieties which I am experiencing. I am always on guard that this relationship could end at any moment. Also, what happens at the end of the year when I do graduate and decide to move to another city. So many questions. Then again I am overanalyzing things.

Sometimes it's best to just enjoy the moment.

Looking Forward

2008-01-08T00:19:00.000-05:00

I think 2008 will be the year of change. It'll be one of those defining years.

First, my very first Godchild will be born. Her name will be Isabella.

Second, I'll be finished with my undergrad in accounting. It's about time.

Third, Boosh will finally leave office.

Fourth, A Democrat will be President again. Go Barack!

and lastly, my gals are coming back!

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T00:46:00.000-05:00

For the coming year, I wish all of you all the fun, all the adventures, and all the merriment that a person can have.
Take stock of what you've accomplished.
Improve the things which you did poorly.
Change yourself then change the World.

Now chill that Moet, pop the cork off the Veuve.

It's been a challenging year. We deserve it.

Now Let's Party!

Robbed?

2007-12-30T23:15:00.001-05:00

Rolling Stone thinks that M.I.A.'s album is the number one for the year.
I first heard MIA's music through Tiggah.

Nice moves right?

Well you guys decide.

Do you think MIA deserves to be Number One?

OR

Should it be the *VERY TROUBLED* Amy Winehouse?

OR
Should it be neither because you have some other choice?

Christmas with the Rothschilds

2007-12-30T22:43:00.000-05:00

We sat around the table for Christmas dinner. My Aunt finally finished decorating their vacation home with things she acquired during her travels. My favorite piece by far, was the crystal chandelier from Europe. I always loved how it just twinkled. Anyway, there were 7 of us—my Mom, Dad, Aunt Iris and her husband Uncle Herbert, Aunt Cecilia and her husband Uncle Vincent and of course me. It was like a meeting of Filipinas who married White husbands. I think the Moet started to take its effect on me when I began asking questions about my cousin Anna—his daughter from a previous marriage.

Me: “Uncle Herb, How’s Anna? I though she’d be here.”

Uncle Herbert: “She’s fine. Just busy. She’s been through a lot this year.”

Aunt Iris: “Yes. She’s a LESBIAN now.”

The table became silent. Aunt Cecilia looked at me I looked at her and everyone just started to look at everyone else and see how they would react.

Then my Mom said, “So long as she’s happy. That’s the important thing.”
Wonder if she’ll react the same way when she finds out about me.

Thank God Uncle Vincent changed the subject by talking about his upcoming trip to Africa. My Aunt Cecelia talked about her new shoes and my Mom talked about her new Dian Von Furstenberg dress which I bought for her. We ended the evening by sitting around the fire and sipping cognac. We discussed politics and my uber-conservative Wall Street Republican, Uncle Herbert, dropped the second shock: He would vote for a Democrat. There is HOPE for us all.

Boring eh? What’d you expect from a couple of bankers? I was stuck in a Martha Stewart Christmas. Henessy was excellent though. I was half drunk during the dinner. The cognac made it worse.

The next day, I had a bad hangover, and the eating did not cease. Uncle Karl would be upset.
The Uncles wanted to play golf and I had no choice but to say yes.

I am a bad golfer. Very bad. I must’ve shot the ball into the woods 8 times, including driving it *into* the water hazards. At least I got to wear my Izod apparel again with matching golf cap.

~ ~ ~
Sam called me on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He tells me how much he misses me and I reciprocate. I haven’t orgasmed since he left. I’m saving it up. LOLz. This relationship makes me anxious. He’s so out of my league. I just KNOW this isn’t going to have a happy ending.

Then again, I can’t help but dream of having him next to me during Christmas dinner and I just know he would hold my hand underneath the table.

Oh well.

Have yourself...

2007-12-24T03:39:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Now here's Judy Garland...It's worth watching. =)

In a Daze

2007-12-24T03:21:00.000-05:00

I really have been in a daze the past week. It's all because of the Christmas rush, exams, work, and just plain old stress. I really didn't realize how much I cared for Sam also. I really do miss him.

This is what stress, loneliness, and anxiety can do to your bed:

I ended up wrapping everything last night. I bought my Mom lots of stuff and my Dad just books and a new showerhead, 'cuz that's what he wants. I bought my friend Janny a little something from LV and my coworker Jacqueline some Chanel makeup.

I really wasn't in the mood to shop for myself even though I have gift cards for everywhere. I'll probably shop after the Holidays like I always do. Plus I loathe crowds.

I Always Catch My Breath

2007-12-18T01:42:00.000-05:00

I dropped off Sam early this morning at the airport. He'll be spending the Holidays with his family in Thailand. The night before, I baked him brownies (of the Betty Crocker variety) to take with him. Yes, I'm corny like dut!

We spent the night together and he was ever so sweet and repeated how much he was going to miss me. I didn't say I was going to miss him too. Too mushy mushy since he's gonna come back in January anyway.

As we neared the airport, he held my hand, squeezed it tight. He didn't let go 'til I pulled over in the terminal. He leaned over and kissed me tenderly and said "Thanks."

I just said take care.

On the drive to work, I bawled like a two year old. Yes. I miss him.

A Hundred

2007-12-13T01:20:00.000-05:00

This is my hundreth (is that a word?) post. I just want to thank everyone who visit and read my ramblings and I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to those who comment.

I didn't start this blog for money or for fame. It was an outlet for me, to share my thoughts and my secrets with others. It's really been quite a fulfilling experience and the intrinsic rewards are priceless.

This Christmas I wish you all great joy, happiness, and laughter.
So cheer up, do some shopping, and smile. We're all fabulous!

If not then this link should do the trick.

Or try this one.

claws or claus? peep or pip? you choose! :P

Winter Wonderland?

2007-12-13T01:09:00.000-05:00

Sorry these pics are a bit blurry. I used my cameraphone which isn't the greatest.
This is St. Petersburg's North Straub Park all dolled up for the Holidays. Of course it pales in comparison to New York, Chicago, etc.

I guess the 80 degree weather here just marginalizes Christmas.

A Boring Post

2007-12-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

I'm sure no one wants to read another post about how busy I am and all the exams etc. etc. blah blah blah. Well it is boring. It really is.

Anyway, I decided to tackle an age-old problem and someone decided to give me an early Christmas gift.
It's a diet book.

The Karl Lagerfeld Diet.

At first I was hesitant, but I think I can follow this one. It means absolutely no rice, sugar, cakes, juice, etc. I've done this type of diet before and I did lose lots of weight on it. But I just don't have the discipline. It really is all about the discipline. I have to program myself to not eat those types of foods. I really have let myself go, so much that it has started to affect my emotional being. Worst of all, my shirts which I bought from H&M are getting a wee bit tight *and* forget about wearing a Thomas Pink slim fit shirt.

It's time to wage war. Yet again.

"One's diet is as boring a subject of conversation as illness! Fitness is as boring as sickness."

-Karl Lagerfeld

I'll shut up now.

Butthash

2007-12-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Just what is butthash?

Apparently, it's shit and piss mixed together and fermented in the sun. The methane gas is captured through a balloon. You then inhale the methane gas and get high.

You read it correctly. You would get high off your own feces.

Of course, THE REDNECKS, TRAILER TRASH, AND PO' WHITE TRASH of Florida would come up with this.

You think I'm kidding?

Watch this:

The stuff is also called Jenkem.

Sadly enough, I am not shocked about this. Just incredibly amused.

The Twelve Months

2007-12-04T17:48:00.000-05:00

This tag is wayyyyy overdue and comes by way of Empress Maruja.
!

What to do:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

Like the Empress, I too was born in September.

Careful, cautious and organized- I tend to over-analyze things.

Quiet but able to talk well- I observe before I speak.

Calm and cool- I hardly stress or panic.

Must control oneself when criticizing- Yes. I definitely have to do this especially with my bosses.

Fun to be around- Of course. Who doesn't have fun with me?!?!

Loves leisure and traveling- I love to travel and don't mind the hassles. I would love to travel around the world in luxury of course. Backpacking's not for me.

Hardly shows emotions- I'll admit that I do have intimacy issues. In fact, my entire family does. We're very stoic. Very British, No?

There you have it.

The Twelve Months

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Where Are the People?

2007-12-04T17:29:00.000-05:00

I've heard this question several times before, especially from Chase.

This is in reference to the photos of St. Petersburg which I post in my blog. Well, let me explain and hypothesize. St. Petersburg is a small city (a little over 200 thousand) which means crowds are not a problem. Also, it can be called a 'commuter city' since most people (like yours truly) live in the outlying suburbs. Furthermore, most of the city residents are the elderly and stay indoors most of the time. I also believe that since Florida can be called "Death's Waiting Room", they just die off. Therefore, there aren't many people in St. Petersburg.

This problem is currently being addressed by the City Council by trying to revive the city through art projects and building condos that many people can't afford.

Next time, I'll try to take a picture with people in it.

I promise. :)

How to Plan a Coup.

2007-11-29T18:36:00.001-05:00

"Do you know of any other countries where coup attempts are staged from luxury hotels?"
-Jessica Zaffra

I first heard of the attempted coup/mutiny/incident while reading Reyna Elena's blog.
My first thought was "why do something that FAILED the first time again?" I was there in 2003 when the same Trillanes took Oakwood while I was staying at the Intercon. I thought I would have to evacuate and run screaming to the Embassy. Anyway here are some tips for future coup plotters...

1. Make sure you have more than 30 men. In fact, make sure you have over half of the military on your side.

2. Ousting the President would actually mean physically extracting her from the Palace. This means that you and your men have to leave the luxury five-star hotel and march across Mendiola into Malacanang Palace.

3. Be articulate. Not like this:

Trillanes: “Like soldiers, we’re going to face this.”
Reporter: “Sir, how are you going to face this?”
Trillanes: (after a beat) “Whatever.”
From the McVie Show

4. Make sure you have the successor, ie. the Vice-President on board, make sure you have Cabinet Members, Congressmen, and the Middle Class on your side.

5.Have an actual plan.

6.Be prepared to die if necessary

7. Did I mention leave the luxury hotel?

Well, following these simple rules should allow for a successful coup. Remember it's easier to have a coup than to actually govern. If you should fail to meet any of these criteria, I suggest not starting a rebellion.

It's just my opinion.

Politically Incorrect

2007-11-24T20:40:00.000-05:00

Only Mel Brooks can get away with this.

This:

This:

And This:

LOL. You can laugh. It's OK.

Hahaha!

2007-11-24T20:20:00.000-05:00

This movie is amazingly funny! I saw Blazing Saddles the other night and just loved this song. It's hilarious and it's performed by Madeline Kahn.

This is another Madeline Kahn clip. I imagine this is how Reyna Elena chooses dates. LOL. J/k lang Reyna!

Have a fun weekend!

Table with a View

2007-11-24T20:05:00.000-05:00

I love studying at my school's library. It's quiet, secluded, and bright because the walls are all glass. The best part is the view. I gaze out the window in between studying. It really helps me to clear out my head and digest the things which I'm learning.

I can also see the marina with yachts docked. It's really fantastic, especially during sunset.

Where's your "quiet place"?

the Florida Home

2007-11-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

I just love these townhouses in downtown St. Petersburg. They're close to the Mahaffey Theater, AL Lang Field, Tropicana Field (where the Rays play baseball), and of course my school.

They're expensive though. One of them will set you back about half a million dollars. But in the current credit crunch, I think you can ask for a discount.

Unfortunately, none are for sale.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T16:10:00.000-05:00

Every fourth Thursday in November, an annual holiday here in the US takes place called Thanksgiving.

"The U.S. Congress in 1941 split the difference and passed a bill requiring that Thanksgiving be observed annually on the fourth Thursday of November, which was sometimes the last Thursday and sometimes (less frequently) the next to last. On November 26 of that year President Roosevelt signed this bill, for the first time making the date of Thanksgiving a matter of federal law."

-Wikipedia

It's a day when people are suppose to slow down and reflect on their lives, be thankful for what they have, and rest before the Holiday Season. It's really much more than just eating Turkey, watching the Macy's Parade, and pardoning Turkeys. It's about reconnecting with families, friends, and with ourselves. My Dad (Stepdad) loves Thanksgiving and it's his favorite Holiday.

This year I cooked, yet again.

I made Turkey, stuffing, glazed carrots, sauteed peas, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, asparagus with Hollandaise sauce, gravy and even baked my special pecan pie. The recipes were handed down to me from My Grandma Elie and her sister Aunt Jeanie. Their cooking was to die for. I make everything from scratch since I don't like the taste of store bought food and of course, tradition.

One of these years, I'll go to Manila on Thanksgiving and celebrate it there with friends and family and even cook...with the help of a maid of course!

Now here's the most powerful man on Earth...pardoning a Turkey...

Now if you excuse me, I believe my turkey's cooked.

Thankful

2007-11-22T14:12:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, I want to sincerely thank all those who emailed me offering their condolences. I am very touched. Thanksgiving this year has been a special one to me. I realized the important things in life--things we often take for granted.
I am so blessed with family and true friends that are always there to support me. Distance is not an obstacle to friendship.
I thank God for having been blessed with so much.

~~
When I was young I remember my Lola telling me how you have to pray the rosary for someone's soul every night for a year so that they can get into Heaven. She did it for my Grandfather, and since I don't trust my half-brother and half-sister to do it, I'll take on that responsibility. Now it's my turn to pray for her soul.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Orchids

2007-11-21T11:24:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Hilda and Aunt Maria attended my Grandmother's wake in my stead. I instructed them to buy a wreath of orchids which were her favorite.

Once they got there, my Aunt recounted how the flowers were overflowing around my Grandmother's casket. There was no more room for my wreath.
Someone suggested that it be placed by the door.

My Grandmother's sister, Auntie Dee, intervened.
She said, " Hindi pwede. Galing yan sa paborito nyang apo. Alisin nyo yang bulaklak na galing kay Estrada. Ilagay nyo sa harapan nya. Importante yun para sa kanya."

When I heard about it this morning, I cried. My Grandmother always took pains to include me in the family even after my Dad left me and my Mom. I know I'll always have a place in her heart.

The Death of a Lady

2007-11-21T00:23:00.000-05:00

Whenever my Grandmother would walk into a room, the scent of gardenias would fill the air. She wouldn’t dare leave the house with her hair fixed, her clothes ironed, and her half-slip in place. I recall playing with her numerous shoes hen I was a boy and then rummaging her closet in search of her exotic folding fans. When I used to live with her, we would go to mass every Sunday and I would stare in awe at the ceiling of San Juan del Monte Church. After mass, we would dutifully walk to the back of the Church where the cemetery is located. She would light a candle and place it on my Grandfather’s grave.

But don’t get me wrong. She wasn’t serious all the time. She loved to laugh and to joke around. Her infectious laughter would reverberate through the rooms in her house. She took cleanliness seriously and scolded untidy maids who didn’t keep the floor well polished. She had a way of charming those around her. My Grandmother carried herself with dignity and possessed an undeniable air of aristocracy which naturally shone through her demeanor. She was not haughty or snobbish and was always graceful.

Every morning, the daily delivery of Magnolia milk would be at the gate. Fresh pandesal would be waiting at the table along with Anchor butter. Birthdays in her house were celebrated with tables full of food. Christmas and New Years were marked with double effort. It was one of the happiest times in my life.

When I first heard the news of my Grandmother’s death, I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react. At first, I denied it and didn’t believe it. I thought to myself that she’d be in her house in San Juan as always, just waiting. Then I called my Uncle who confirmed the news. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I remembered her smile and her laugh. I remembered the best memories.

Perhaps my biggest regret was not calling her more often or staying in her house during vacations in Manila. I just always thought she would be there and I would do all those things next time. Now, there is no more next time. I can no longer call her, talk to her, and hear her laughter.

She was a lady in all sense of the word.

Someday, I’ll see her again.

C'est une La Tour!

2007-11-17T19:38:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday night and I'm alone. At home. Not at Sam's apartment.

Anyway, I'd just like to share some of my favorite paintings. Yes, I used to only like old impressionist saps like Monet, but several art appreciation classes ago, I was introduced to Georges de La Tour.

The Dream of St. Joseph

The Education of the Virgin

Nativity

This is one of my favorites. Since it's close to Christmas, I use it as my desktop image. It's called The Newborn Christ. It's religious, but not overtly religious. It shows simplicity and complexity at the same time. Notice the candle and the hand that shields the light emanating from it. Notice how most of the light is centered upon the newborn as if anointing him. This effect is known as Chiaroscuro. Good stuff eh??

Timing is Everything

2007-11-15T00:55:00.000-05:00

Where'd the TIME go? Next week it'll be Thanksgiving and after that Christmas. Thanksgiving really kicks off the star of the Holiday Season here in the US. In fact, the Friday after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday. It's when there are really great sales early in the morning. Only hardcore shoppers--like my Mom--are the ones who really go. She did get great bargains though like a great digital camera for less than a $100 and a laptop for less than $300.

I really should've started my Christmas shopping already and began the process of sending cards. I also have finals, term papers, and a pseudo relationship to juggle. I've been spending way too much time with Sam, and not enough with my Accounting books. Hence, I bombed my last Accounting test. Then there's also work which has kept me oh so busy.

I wish there were 48 hours in a day.

I gotta go and write my paper now about International Financial Institutions and how they act as an informal World government.

But right now, All I can think of is snuggling up next to Sam.

Wish me luck.

Slap Slap!

2007-11-08T02:37:00.000-05:00

OUCH!

Se Jie (Lust, Caution)

2007-11-08T00:58:00.001-05:00

Lots of critics have disparaged this movie. They say it's too long, too slow, and too shallow. Etc. Etc. I for one, think it's one of the finest. The story is slow because it builds the tension. The sex scenes are intense and realistic. I blushed when Tony Leung "raped" the lead character. He was intense, fiery, and very cold at the same time. During the first sex scene, which was over an hour into the film, I felt extremely uncomfortable sitting there with Sam. the rest of the moviegoers were of an older age group. The cinematography was fantastic and Shanghai was recreated in great detail.

This movie is for those who like slow, intense films. It reminds me a lot of Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood For Love except the sex scenes were really INTENSE.

For those of you who didn't like it, you're in good company. Sam didn't as well. I won't hold it against you.

What I want to see next are:
the film adaptation of Ian McEwan's Atonement

and

the Coen Brothers' No Country for Old Men

Too Young

2007-11-07T23:46:00.000-05:00

I love this song. I first heard it when I watched Lost in Translation. I heard it again the other night when Sam and I watched the movie. The video's kinda weird though. Dancing in yellow plastic waders?!?! WTF?!?!

Happiness?

2007-11-04T01:24:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this while sitting up in bed. The lights are turned off and the TV is silently playing on mute. The temperature is a cool 72 degrees (thanks to airconditioning). My 600 thread count sheets feel so soft.

Most of all, Sam, TB, my special friend is silently snoring next to me. I forgot how nice it is to just sleep next to someone. He looks too gorgeous and dare I say cute sleeping in his boxers.

At his moment I can truly say I an Happy.

Quality Men

2007-10-30T00:49:00.001-04:00

A friend e-mailed me this post he found on craigslist. It's pretty long, but I feel it applies to ALL Gay men out there! You know who you are...

I am a gay guy. I'll get that out of the way first. Grossed out by the boobs, turned on by the cock. It's a fact of life for me and there ain't no changin' it. I accepted it many years ago and life has been great ever since. I will also say here that I am a “quality guy”. I have a career that I have absolutely loved for the past 13 years, I have a wonderful long term partner of over 10 years, a wonderful daughter, vital relationships with supportive friends and family, lots of fun interests and hobbies, I volunteer and give back to my community. Oh yeah…and I know how to have fun in the sack to boot, AND I have been faithful to my other half for the whole time we’ve been together (and he to me). Go ahead and trash me for calling myself quality, but I know I am. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means. I have my faults like anyone else, but I’m reasonably sure that I would be perceived as quality by most people.

OK...so now my point. I am amazed at the number of postings from gay men on this site who are complaining about the lack of "normal", non-racist, attractive, monogamous, non-druggie men out there. It truly is incredible to me. It makes me wonder if we are living in the same place!

If you scroll down a ways on this Rants and Raves list today, you'll see a posting from a gay Asian guy who laments the fact that the gay community is totally focused around white gays. I totally agree. But I had to laugh at his posting as he went on to say that he meets guys at clubs and online. THAT’S what he is judging the gay community by? How lame is that? Does he see Asian guys throwing themselves at White guys at book club meetings and running clubs? I’m guessing not. Post after post I read gay guys complaining about the lack of quality gay men out there and almost all of them talk about some creepy online experience or a bad scene at some bar or club.

To all you gay men who are complaining…do you realize there is more to life than meeting guys in bars and online? My God...you live in one of the major hubs of culture, academia, sports, you name it, and you're trolling for quality guys on the Internet or at Badlands?

Do you all know that getting your dick sucked or getting banged is not the center of your existence? Sure it’s fun and I’d never turn down an opportunity for either, but there is so much more to life than just being defined by being attracted to a penis. Make yourself more well-rounded than that. Quality guys can sniff you out in a second if you’re just horny. What more do you have to offer after you’ve both cum?

For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, here are 10 suggestions for how to find that quality guy. They are all based on common sense, but I have found them to work well for me:

1. Do you have a hobby or interest other than sucking cock or getting fucked? If you do, then join a club/group/social group around that interest or hobby. It doesn't have to be a gay club. Just join a club or group. You will meet people there who like the same thing you do. You will be yourself there (and not some phony posing at a bar or hiding behind a screen name) because you will be in a place where you actually enjoy what's going on. Do you enjoy spending hours on the Internet trying to find a hook-up? I’m guessing not. The hooking up is fun, but not the endless searching. If you join a group you won't meet a one night stand or boyfriend there most likely (although it could happen, huh?), but you will meet other people who know other people who know other people. It's like that lame MySpace site although in actual real life! Amazing, huh? Who knows? Maybe one of those people will invite you to a party and introduce you to the man of your dreams. And chances are that he will be a quality guy because the people who accepted you into their club or group or going to hold everyone else up to the same standards, whatever they are.

2. Go out and give back to others. Instead of trolling around the Castro or Gay.com, get off your ass and volunteer somewhere. Project Open Hand, Stop Aids, Equality California --- they all could use volunteers and are positively TEEMING with gay men who are all united behind a common purpose. Are those causes too "gay" for you? Then volunteer at St. Anthony’s Dining Room or Glide Memorial. Too religious for you? Then go do a Google search online for other volunteer opportunities. Help out at the Humane Society, be a mentor for a young person, go read stories to the local kindergarteners in your neighborhood. When you volunteer, you will meet other people who are selfless and who enjoy helping others (i.e. those “quality” people you are looking for). Quality guys appreciate someone who understands that life is not all about you. It’s also in part about helping others and learning about other people. If you don’t like to do either of those things, then I suggest you look inside yourself to see why not. You’re not a quality guy if you do not have this aspect of your personality.

3. Go out and get some exercise. No…I don’t mean go to a gym in the Castro and cruise the steam rooms for sex. Set a goal for yourself. Tell yourself you will spend a year training for a marathon (or a 5K, or a half marathon, or 3 miles) and then run it. Train for the AIDS Ride and then do it. Go for a run in another part of the City from where you live. Get out of your rut. Join a running club. There are lots in San Francisco and all over the Bay Area. It doesn’t have to be one of the gay running clubs, by the way. Remember, you’re not living your life around the sole idea that you are gay. Change your mindset that you are a runner, or a cyclist, or a weightlifter, or whatever. People who say they “hate exercise” come off as not quality. If you hate to run, find something you do like – dance, rowing, swimming? You do not have to be a porno god with bulging biceps and perfect pecs. Quality guys appreciate someone who takes the time to take care of their body in any way. This doesn’t mean hit the gym 7 days a week. It doesn’t mean you are 6’2”, 190 with a tapered waist. It means get some exercise, eat well, go to the dentist regularly. Show some pride in yourself by taking care of yourself.

Read the rest of the post here.

Sex & Music

2007-10-30T00:24:00.000-04:00

When it's time to get into a seductive mood, my special friend TB likes to use music to well...seduce me. One night we made out while listening to Les Nubians...

And another night it was John Mayer.

You know sex is sooooooo much better with music.

Date Movie

2007-10-27T00:22:00.001-04:00

From my previous posts, I'm sure y'all found out that I truly LOVE a good foreign film. The other night my 'special friend' and I decided to stay in and watch movies. I chose Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood For Love because it's one of my favorites and I really was in the mood. It's just a wonderful movie.

I just love this scene. It's like ballet.

To my surprise and delight, TB, my special friend chose this:

When I watched this scene, my heart melted.

TB gave me that look...Y'all know what it is...It's the look of love (corny?)
I laughed it off and he hugged me and snuggled in.

I don't want to fall in love.
It's just too much, especially after K...who I just wanted but became disappointed with.
I never thought it would get this deep with TB. He was just going to be a FuBu...Why do I fall in love so easily?

Am I really ready for this?

What if he is sincere?

At Wit's End

2007-10-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

Love can make you do some fucked up things.

I have this friend. Let’s call him E. He’s like a brother to me. He’s a good looking guy and can probably bag any man he wants, but just lacks the confidence. Let’s start at the beginning.

About 8 months ago, E went to his boss’s house to play playstation and get drunk. Then one thing led to another and before they knew it, they were watching porn. As the scene grew hotter, Bossman looked at E and E looked at him. Something could have happened then and there. But E chose not to do anything. His boss is STRAIGHT.

Months later, after hanging out more often with Bossman, E fell in love. He began to live in a world of fantasy where he would follow Bossman’s every move. E would relish Bossman’s lingering scent and would be thrilled when he would smile at him. This went on for quite some time and E fell even more in love.

We advised him not to fall in and to stay away. But the more he stayed away, the more Bossman grew anxious and it affected the workplace. So E resumed contact once again. Then one weekend E was once again invited to Bossman’s house where he was introduced to drugs (I have no clue as to what type it is) and copious amounts of alcohol. After that weekend, E grew more despondent and began to retract from me and his other friends. Bossman became an obsession.

The last time I spoke to him, he was high or drunk and with Bossman.
I’m at my wits’ end.
I feel like I have failed a friend.
I hate the feeling of being a failure.

I don’t know what to do next.

A Statement

2007-10-20T00:30:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, the blast that occurred in Makati yesterday killed nine innocent people and injured dozens of others. Many are now shocked, scared, and angered. But I am certain that this too shall pass. The resiliency of the Filipino people will shine through as always.

It is my fervent hope that this tragedy be treated with dignity and respect. This is no time for politics. It is a tragedy and should be left at just that.

I hope that we can all draw lessons from such a tragedy--to cherish life and live it as if each day were your last.

May the the innocent souls of the victims rest in peace and those who are injured to heal.

Note: This post has been edited.

The Virgin Queen

2007-10-19T22:30:00.000-04:00

I always found Queen Elizabeth the First to be one of the most fascinating people in history. She gave up happiness, love, and marriage in order to serve her people. So when a special friend invited me to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age, I didn't give it a second thought. The trailer looked interesting anyway.

But sadly, Cate Blanchett's superb acting can only do so much. The movie was B-O-R-I-N-G. So boring that the people below us started to nod off. It was also chock full of historical inaccuracies. Walter Raleigh in love with Elizabeth...
WTF?!?!

If you really want the most accurate depiction of the life of Elizabeth I, try Helen Mirren's Elizabeth I. It's fantastic.

Now as long as we are on the subject of Elizabeth and Helen Mirren, her performance in The Queen, for which she won an Oscar was just stellar. It really humanized the the current Queen and I began to sympathize with her. She really didn't plan Princess Diana's death. That idea is absurd. Anyway, go watch The Queen, its a fantastic movie!

When I become Queen, I'll wear Chanel suits and Oscar de la Renta. :P

Extraordinary Rendition

2007-10-19T03:32:00.001-04:00

Extraordinary Rendition is when one country renders a suspect/prisiner to another country jurisdiction sans all the necessary paperwork involved.
This has been used by the CIA to extract information from terror suspects.
Since torture is illegal in the US, the government sends suspects to countries like Egypt, Jordan, Israel, Poland, etc. to do the dirty work.

Read more about it here.

The topic is now a movie starring Reese Witherspoon and Merryl Streep.

It's pretty disturbing, but just think of how many lives have been saved because of this. Sometimes decisions like these are necessary. I'd hate to be the one who makes those decisions though.

At Reyna's Request...

2007-10-19T01:11:00.000-04:00

I have been tagged by Reyna Elena. Here's 8 random things about me:

1. I hate cockroaches with a passion. Especially the flying ones found in the Philippines. This stems from a horrid experience when I was living at my Aunt's house in Marikina. Those cockroaches are vicious!

2. Scent is very important to me. I don't like bad smells and stay away from smelly people. Smelling nice and staying clean is something the EVERYONE can do. I just find it appalling how people can walk out of their homes smelling like garbage. Oh! and to those guys who wear AXE...please please please lay off the stuff. It's better if you shower then put on some mild smelling deodorant.

3. I was born in San Juan, Metro Manila. I spent a lot of time there and was even baptized at the main church there. I think it's Saint John the Baptist Church. I also lived in Pasay, Quezon City, and Marikina.

4. I spent summers in my Lola's farm in Bicol. It was great fun! We would run through the rice paddies and have the old dog, Rambo, chase us everywhere we went. It was simple and very bucolic. The views are fantastic! The farm is surrounded by green hills and you can see Mt. Isarog in the distance. Back then, we still had to use hand pumps for the water. Now, Lola's farm house boasts a shower, a flushing toilet, and a plasma TV, not to mention air conditioning. The effects of globalization???

5. I love movies. I love all kinds of movies. I watch more movies than TV shows. I don't really watch much TV. I watch movies.

6. When I was young my Aunt Millie taught me a response whenever someone asked what my Mother did for a living:

Question:Ano trabaho ng nanay mo?
(What does your mom do for a living?)

Me:Dancer po sa Mabini.
(She's a dancer at the red light district.)

My mom still laughs about this to this day.

7. I love the sound of champagne being poured into a crystal flute.

8. Two life changing trips for me:

Paris: Where I fell in love with life

San Francisco: Where I fully embraced who I am and who I wanted to be.

Now, I tag...

1.Empress Maruja
2.Thadie
3.Josh
4.Jon
5.Chase
6.Bryan the Miseducated
7.Q the Conqueror
8.Misterhubs

We're Here

2007-10-11T19:35:00.000-04:00

We're Here
We're Queer
Get Used to It!

Today marks National Coming Out Day here in the US.

I say more power to those who wish to come out of the closet and lead lives of honesty. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to do the same.

Enough with the drama.

Watch this!

A Free Burma

2007-09-27T19:47:00.000-04:00

Photo Courtesy of Reuters

Over the past few days, the world has finally seen that all isn’t well in Myanmar. As the monks march for freedom, the rest of us watch in shock and disbelief that such atrocities still exist. It’s 2007. We are in the new millennium, yet many still suffer. So many still have their rights to free speech, freedom of expression, and just the plain old right to say “the government sucks” deprived from them.

The Burma case is egregious and alarming. The junta has held a tight grip for years with the complicity of its ASEAN neighbors. The US cannot be blamed for this one. Sanctions have been placed for years and credit must be given to the Bush Administration who spoke out against the crackdown. But the US alone cannot put an end to this. ASEAN must step in and impose sanctions and support the protesters. Its time for ASEAN to step in and take care of its own business. This is happening in its own backyard. Are we willing to allow the mass murder of thousands of innocents? If no one rises up to fight for what is right, then we will all have blood on our hands, especially ASEAN.

I ask any of you who believe in the universal and unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to write an entry about the crimes committed by the junta.

Spread the word.

I support a Free Burma.

Visit IHT.com for the article
Thanks to Bisean for introducing his link to Burma, a fellow blogger named Dawn.

Visit ko htike's blog to see what is happening in Yangon.

Busy Busy

2007-09-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

I haven’t needed a vacation like I do right now. I just need to get away.

Far away.

The only relaxation I get these days is my weekly facials. Over the past few days, I had to deal with 3 tests, 2 reports, drama at work, and a new business venture.

A co-worker had approached about an idea of his which I am currently researching. He and others will put up the capital and I will get a percentage for my work. Since they are elderly people, they don’t know how to use computers, much less write a business plan and run around the city following up on contracts. It’s been really hectic. I get about 5 hours of sleep a night. Then again, it is a lot of money to just pass on.

As they say,

“Sacrifice today means affluence tomorrow.”

Photo courtesy of Intercontinental Hotels Group

An Aristocrat's Idol

2007-09-22T00:14:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged because of a busy busy schedule. School seems to be taking up most of my time with all the tests and papers I have to prepare. Early this week...last weekend actually, I watched 60 Minutes interview Alan Greenspan. I have always been a fan of AG since I was a Freshman in high school reading the Wall Street Journal. The economic boom orchestrated during the Clinton Administration was perhaps the best this country has ever seen. America has just fully embraced globalization, free trade, and was reaping the rewards of technological advancements. It was the birth of a new economy.

This and more is espoused in Alan Greenspan's new book, The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World. The book's essentially a memoir about his life, his philosophy, and his predictions. Marvel at the genius of market capitalism and how it has brought the world closer. Ever wonder why South Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, and China have such booming markets?Read *part* of the reasons in the book. I've only gotten through the intro and Chapter 1, but trust me. It is an interesting read and is not written in Fedspeak.

Reyna Elena has also posted clips of the 60 Minutes Interview.

Here are some excerpts:

"All people appear motivated by an inbred striving for self-esteem that is in large part fostered by the approval of others. that striving determines much of what households spend their money on..."

"In the face of the increasing integration of the global economy, the world's citizens face a profound choice: to embrace the worldwide benefits of open markets and open societies that pull people out of poverty and up the ladder of skills to better, more meaningful lives, while bearing in mind fundamental issues of justice; or to reject that opportunity and embrace nativism, tribalism, populism, indeed all of the "isms" into which communities retreat when their identities are under siege and they cannot perceive better options."

My friends, we face a bold new world.

I think there's something you should know...

2007-09-15T22:11:00.000-04:00

I remember shaking my little fanny to this song back in the day.

How fabulous is that?

"I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man"

Now that is a coming out song!

My Thoughts On Erap

2007-09-13T01:41:00.000-04:00

To those of you who judge Estrada as just some petty politician who is out only for himself, I say "Don't judge a book by its cover." I have been lucky enough to have met the former President and can only judge him to be a well-meaning, sincere, and charming man. There's been a lot of ugly things written about him, and I hope that people look real hard at themselves and the other politicians who are guilty of the same sins.

Consider the fact that his former best friend, the admitted "jueteng lord", is now hailed as a national hero. Now that is perverse! His old enemies have now become allies, while allies have turned to enemies.Politics does indeed make for strange bedfellows.

I can't even imagine how his family feels right now.

After all the politicking is over, I will still remember the jovial man whom I met years ago when I was still a boy living in San Juan. That memory of Erap will be the one I hearken to whenever someone calls him a monster. I can only wish him the best.

Happy Birthday!

2007-09-08T03:00:00.000-04:00

What do

Richard the LionHeart

Patsy Cline

Pink

and

the Virgin Mary

Have in common?

They share the same birthday with me!

Thank you Everyone for reading my driblets and incoherent thoughts.

Today I was very touched when a friend at work gave me a card.

It was a singing card with the song "Breaking Free" from High School Musical. I've never seen the movie. But she knows I like the song no matter how much I said I hated it. She knows I'm corny like dat! Thanks so much Janny!

and a very special thanks to Josh.