Quality Men

A friend e-mailed me this post he found on craigslist. It's pretty long, but I feel it applies to ALL Gay men out there! You know who you are...

I am a gay guy. I'll get that out of the way first. Grossed out by the boobs, turned on by the cock. It's a fact of life for me and there ain't no changin' it. I accepted it many years ago and life has been great ever since. I will also say here that I am a “quality guy”. I have a career that I have absolutely loved for the past 13 years, I have a wonderful long term partner of over 10 years, a wonderful daughter, vital relationships with supportive friends and family, lots of fun interests and hobbies, I volunteer and give back to my community. Oh yeah…and I know how to have fun in the sack to boot, AND I have been faithful to my other half for the whole time we’ve been together (and he to me). Go ahead and trash me for calling myself quality, but I know I am. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means. I have my faults like anyone else, but I’m reasonably sure that I would be perceived as quality by most people.

OK...so now my point. I am amazed at the number of postings from gay men on this site who are complaining about the lack of "normal", non-racist, attractive, monogamous, non-druggie men out there. It truly is incredible to me. It makes me wonder if we are living in the same place!

If you scroll down a ways on this Rants and Raves list today, you'll see a posting from a gay Asian guy who laments the fact that the gay community is totally focused around white gays. I totally agree. But I had to laugh at his posting as he went on to say that he meets guys at clubs and online. THAT’S what he is judging the gay community by? How lame is that? Does he see Asian guys throwing themselves at White guys at book club meetings and running clubs? I’m guessing not. Post after post I read gay guys complaining about the lack of quality gay men out there and almost all of them talk about some creepy online experience or a bad scene at some bar or club.

To all you gay men who are complaining…do you realize there is more to life than meeting guys in bars and online? My God...you live in one of the major hubs of culture, academia, sports, you name it, and you're trolling for quality guys on the Internet or at Badlands?

Do you all know that getting your dick sucked or getting banged is not the center of your existence? Sure it’s fun and I’d never turn down an opportunity for either, but there is so much more to life than just being defined by being attracted to a penis. Make yourself more well-rounded than that. Quality guys can sniff you out in a second if you’re just horny. What more do you have to offer after you’ve both cum?

For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, here are 10 suggestions for how to find that quality guy. They are all based on common sense, but I have found them to work well for me:

1. Do you have a hobby or interest other than sucking cock or getting fucked? If you do, then join a club/group/social group around that interest or hobby. It doesn't have to be a gay club. Just join a club or group. You will meet people there who like the same thing you do. You will be yourself there (and not some phony posing at a bar or hiding behind a screen name) because you will be in a place where you actually enjoy what's going on. Do you enjoy spending hours on the Internet trying to find a hook-up? I’m guessing not. The hooking up is fun, but not the endless searching. If you join a group you won't meet a one night stand or boyfriend there most likely (although it could happen, huh?), but you will meet other people who know other people who know other people. It's like that lame MySpace site although in actual real life! Amazing, huh? Who knows? Maybe one of those people will invite you to a party and introduce you to the man of your dreams. And chances are that he will be a quality guy because the people who accepted you into their club or group or going to hold everyone else up to the same standards, whatever they are.

2. Go out and give back to others. Instead of trolling around the Castro or Gay.com, get off your ass and volunteer somewhere. Project Open Hand, Stop Aids, Equality California --- they all could use volunteers and are positively TEEMING with gay men who are all united behind a common purpose. Are those causes too "gay" for you? Then volunteer at St. Anthony’s Dining Room or Glide Memorial. Too religious for you? Then go do a Google search online for other volunteer opportunities. Help out at the Humane Society, be a mentor for a young person, go read stories to the local kindergarteners in your neighborhood. When you volunteer, you will meet other people who are selfless and who enjoy helping others (i.e. those “quality” people you are looking for). Quality guys appreciate someone who understands that life is not all about you. It’s also in part about helping others and learning about other people. If you don’t like to do either of those things, then I suggest you look inside yourself to see why not. You’re not a quality guy if you do not have this aspect of your personality.

3. Go out and get some exercise. No…I don’t mean go to a gym in the Castro and cruise the steam rooms for sex. Set a goal for yourself. Tell yourself you will spend a year training for a marathon (or a 5K, or a half marathon, or 3 miles) and then run it. Train for the AIDS Ride and then do it. Go for a run in another part of the City from where you live. Get out of your rut. Join a running club. There are lots in San Francisco and all over the Bay Area. It doesn’t have to be one of the gay running clubs, by the way. Remember, you’re not living your life around the sole idea that you are gay. Change your mindset that you are a runner, or a cyclist, or a weightlifter, or whatever. People who say they “hate exercise” come off as not quality. If you hate to run, find something you do like – dance, rowing, swimming? You do not have to be a porno god with bulging biceps and perfect pecs. Quality guys appreciate someone who takes the time to take care of their body in any way. This doesn’t mean hit the gym 7 days a week. It doesn’t mean you are 6’2”, 190 with a tapered waist. It means get some exercise, eat well, go to the dentist regularly. Show some pride in yourself by taking care of yourself.


Read the rest of the post here.

Sex & Music

When it's time to get into a seductive mood, my special friend TB likes to use music to well...seduce me. One night we made out while listening to Les Nubians...





And another night it was John Mayer.




You know sex is sooooooo much better with music.

Date Movie

From my previous posts, I'm sure y'all found out that I truly LOVE a good foreign film. The other night my 'special friend' and I decided to stay in and watch movies. I chose Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood For Love because it's one of my favorites and I really was in the mood. It's just a wonderful movie.



I just love this scene. It's like ballet.


To my surprise and delight, TB, my special friend chose this:


When I watched this scene, my heart melted.


TB gave me that look...Y'all know what it is...It's the look of love (corny?)
I laughed it off and he hugged me and snuggled in.

I don't want to fall in love.
It's just too much, especially after K...who I just wanted but became disappointed with.
I never thought it would get this deep with TB. He was just going to be a FuBu...Why do I fall in love so easily?

Am I really ready for this?

What if he is sincere?

At Wit's End

Love can make you do some fucked up things.

I have this friend. Let’s call him E. He’s like a brother to me. He’s a good looking guy and can probably bag any man he wants, but just lacks the confidence. Let’s start at the beginning.

About 8 months ago, E went to his boss’s house to play playstation and get drunk. Then one thing led to another and before they knew it, they were watching porn. As the scene grew hotter, Bossman looked at E and E looked at him. Something could have happened then and there. But E chose not to do anything. His boss is STRAIGHT.

Months later, after hanging out more often with Bossman, E fell in love. He began to live in a world of fantasy where he would follow Bossman’s every move. E would relish Bossman’s lingering scent and would be thrilled when he would smile at him. This went on for quite some time and E fell even more in love.

We advised him not to fall in and to stay away. But the more he stayed away, the more Bossman grew anxious and it affected the workplace. So E resumed contact once again. Then one weekend E was once again invited to Bossman’s house where he was introduced to drugs (I have no clue as to what type it is) and copious amounts of alcohol. After that weekend, E grew more despondent and began to retract from me and his other friends. Bossman became an obsession.

The last time I spoke to him, he was high or drunk and with Bossman.
I’m at my wits’ end.
I feel like I have failed a friend.
I hate the feeling of being a failure.

I don’t know what to do next.

A Statement

As many of you know, the blast that occurred in Makati yesterday killed nine innocent people and injured dozens of others. Many are now shocked, scared, and angered. But I am certain that this too shall pass. The resiliency of the Filipino people will shine through as always.

It is my fervent hope that this tragedy be treated with dignity and respect. This is no time for politics. It is a tragedy and should be left at just that.

I hope that we can all draw lessons from such a tragedy--to cherish life and live it as if each day were your last.

May the the innocent souls of the victims rest in peace and those who are injured to heal.

Note: This post has been edited.

The Virgin Queen

I always found Queen Elizabeth the First to be one of the most fascinating people in history. She gave up happiness, love, and marriage in order to serve her people. So when a special friend invited me to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age, I didn't give it a second thought. The trailer looked interesting anyway.



But sadly, Cate Blanchett's superb acting can only do so much. The movie was B-O-R-I-N-G. So boring that the people below us started to nod off. It was also chock full of historical inaccuracies. Walter Raleigh in love with Elizabeth...
WTF?!?!

If you really want the most accurate depiction of the life of Elizabeth I, try Helen Mirren's Elizabeth I. It's fantastic.



Now as long as we are on the subject of Elizabeth and Helen Mirren, her performance in The Queen, for which she won an Oscar was just stellar. It really humanized the the current Queen and I began to sympathize with her. She really didn't plan Princess Diana's death. That idea is absurd. Anyway, go watch The Queen, its a fantastic movie!



When I become Queen, I'll wear Chanel suits and Oscar de la Renta. :P

Extraordinary Rendition

Extraordinary Rendition is when one country renders a suspect/prisiner to another country jurisdiction sans all the necessary paperwork involved.
This has been used by the CIA to extract information from terror suspects.
Since torture is illegal in the US, the government sends suspects to countries like Egypt, Jordan, Israel, Poland, etc. to do the dirty work.

Read more about it here.

The topic is now a movie starring Reese Witherspoon and Merryl Streep.


It's pretty disturbing, but just think of how many lives have been saved because of this. Sometimes decisions like these are necessary. I'd hate to be the one who makes those decisions though.

At Reyna's Request...

I have been tagged by Reyna Elena. Here's 8 random things about me:

1. I hate cockroaches with a passion. Especially the flying ones found in the Philippines. This stems from a horrid experience when I was living at my Aunt's house in Marikina. Those cockroaches are vicious!

2. Scent is very important to me. I don't like bad smells and stay away from smelly people. Smelling nice and staying clean is something the EVERYONE can do. I just find it appalling how people can walk out of their homes smelling like garbage. Oh! and to those guys who wear AXE...please please please lay off the stuff. It's better if you shower then put on some mild smelling deodorant.

3. I was born in San Juan, Metro Manila. I spent a lot of time there and was even baptized at the main church there. I think it's Saint John the Baptist Church. I also lived in Pasay, Quezon City, and Marikina.

4. I spent summers in my Lola's farm in Bicol. It was great fun! We would run through the rice paddies and have the old dog, Rambo, chase us everywhere we went. It was simple and very bucolic. The views are fantastic! The farm is surrounded by green hills and you can see Mt. Isarog in the distance. Back then, we still had to use hand pumps for the water. Now, Lola's farm house boasts a shower, a flushing toilet, and a plasma TV, not to mention air conditioning. The effects of globalization???

5. I love movies. I love all kinds of movies. I watch more movies than TV shows. I don't really watch much TV. I watch movies.

6. When I was young my Aunt Millie taught me a response whenever someone asked what my Mother did for a living:

Question:Ano trabaho ng nanay mo?
(What does your mom do for a living?)

Me:Dancer po sa Mabini.
(She's a dancer at the red light district.)

My mom still laughs about this to this day.

7. I love the sound of champagne being poured into a crystal flute.

8. Two life changing trips for me:

Paris: Where I fell in love with life

San Francisco: Where I fully embraced who I am and who I wanted to be.

Now, I tag...

1.Empress Maruja
2.Thadie
3.Josh
4.Jon
5.Chase
6.Bryan the Miseducated
7.Q the Conqueror
8.Misterhubs

We're Here

We're Here
We're Queer
Get Used to It!

Today marks National Coming Out Day here in the US.

I say more power to those who wish to come out of the closet and lead lives of honesty. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to do the same.

Enough with the drama.

Watch this!