Remember

Sorry guys. I'm in a bad spot right now. Really missing someone who'll be gone for like 6 mos. This is my song for him.

Slippery Slope

One wrong decision in life can lead to circumstances of which you have no control. One bad choice might lead to another. This is what I have tried to avoid--the slippery slope. My friend Eric, on the other hand, is admittedly spontaneous and a little dense. He fell in love with his boss (who was straight), moved in with him and basically became the sugar mama. Eric paid for everything including the drugs which they used. The relationship finally broke up in June, much to my relief. But the repercussions are still being felt--only by Eric.

He was fired from his job because he did something illegal.

Now there's even more drama, he got a girl pregnant. Against my Catholic sensibilities, I advised the girl to get an abortion. From my assessment, it is the only sensible choice. My friend doesn't even know himself and is in no way ready for a child--neither is the mother. But still the pangs of Catholic guilt hang over me.

I love him like a brother and sometimes I just want to slap him in the face and tell him to grow up and accept who he is.

I don't need my own drama. My friends have more than enough for me to handle.

A Visitation

I just got home from an evening with a former chatmate and my best friend. Chatmate was in town on business and contacted us saying he wanted to meet.

It was one of the best evenings ever. He's really a catch! Seriously though, he's intelligent, witty, humble, and cute! But I would put him in the 'friend' category. There just was no spark. He was all over my best though, caressing his arm, the lingering looks. I think they would make a great match except he lives up North and my friend lives down here. Long distance relationships never work out.

Dinner was fantastic with delicious freshly grilled seafood with a view of the water and sunset. Chatmate wanted to check out the nonexistent gay scene in Tampa, which I obliged. The first gay bar was empty and the other gay bar was closed.

We ended up in Starbucks.

He regaled us with stories about San Francisco, his hometown, and I was enthralled. I wish I could live in San Francisco. It seems like a magical city. He confirmed the feeling I got when I visited there. It felt like home. I really want to move there even more so than before.

At Wit's End

Love can make you do some fucked up things.

I have this friend. Let’s call him E. He’s like a brother to me. He’s a good looking guy and can probably bag any man he wants, but just lacks the confidence. Let’s start at the beginning.

About 8 months ago, E went to his boss’s house to play playstation and get drunk. Then one thing led to another and before they knew it, they were watching porn. As the scene grew hotter, Bossman looked at E and E looked at him. Something could have happened then and there. But E chose not to do anything. His boss is STRAIGHT.

Months later, after hanging out more often with Bossman, E fell in love. He began to live in a world of fantasy where he would follow Bossman’s every move. E would relish Bossman’s lingering scent and would be thrilled when he would smile at him. This went on for quite some time and E fell even more in love.

We advised him not to fall in and to stay away. But the more he stayed away, the more Bossman grew anxious and it affected the workplace. So E resumed contact once again. Then one weekend E was once again invited to Bossman’s house where he was introduced to drugs (I have no clue as to what type it is) and copious amounts of alcohol. After that weekend, E grew more despondent and began to retract from me and his other friends. Bossman became an obsession.

The last time I spoke to him, he was high or drunk and with Bossman.
I’m at my wits’ end.
I feel like I have failed a friend.
I hate the feeling of being a failure.

I don’t know what to do next.

Salsa Dancing

As I waited for my steak at Bern's Steakhouse, I heard a familiar chatter. It was a dialect I don't often hear in these parts. Three tables away, a couple and their friend were speaking Tagalog. Mother was thrilled. I knew what was going to happen next. She would dawdle during dinner so that we could get a chance to talk to them. As I cut it the medium rare sirloin, the woman passed us on her way to the restroom. On her way back, Mom gave her a smile and asked "Filipino kayo?" The woman replied "Oo naman. Nagtataka nga kami kung Pinoy din kayo." I had to hand it to Mom, she has this uncanny way of making friends everywhere unlike me who has this curtain. An ex says I have intimacy issues. I, of course, contest it. Anyway, the woman exchanged cards and invited us to her salsa class. Yes. She teaches salsa at a local dance studio. Mom, of course, thought it would be a terrific idea to drag my stepdad out to a salsa club on a Tuesday night. Plus, it gave her a reason to wear her new Cavalli gown from Neiman Marcus. The woman also invited me. So there you have it. To go or not to go. That is the question. I don't really know a lot about salsa dancing although I took ballroom dancing classes during highschool at the behest of my ex-girlfriend Shannon. I don't know. Maybe I should go. Maybe there'll be cute Pinoy guys there. Here's what salsa dancing looks like:


Here's a tip for those of you who have wives, gf's, bf's, mothers etc. who you go shopping with. Apparently Neiman Marcus only accepts Amex or cash. Mommmie Dearest conveniently "forgot" her Amex at home. So, the dutiful son had to dig into his LV wallet and fish out the Goldcard as he charged away with Mom's promise of "I'll pay you back." She never has and never will. Well, at least she paid for dinner.

Cowardly Love Sick Me...

I'm a coward. Should I fight for the man that I love? He does have a bf now. One side of me says that I should, while the other says that I really really should pick up what pride I have left and simply leave him alone. Leave him alone. The thought just digs into my brain. I don't think I can leave him alone. I miss his voice way too much. He always knows how to make me laugh. His current bf is someone that he speaks very highly of and I really can't pass judgment on the guy (the bf) since I really don't know him.

This is driving me insane.

It's something that I want but I *THINK* I can never have. So here I am at 2AM in the morning still thinking. Still thinking. Should I woo him? I don't know. I don't want to seem pathetic (I probably am in his eyes). Bah! Who cares what the world thinks! I just wish that he would take notice; that he would speak to me. I just admitted to myself and to my friends that I do love him and that each time we speak is special to me. I want him to know that I still still still have the song that he sent to me months ago. I told him he was corny, but inside I relished it. Why do I do that? Do I fall in love too easily? Was he just being kind? Was he just flirting? Was he serious? Holly GoLightly!

This infatuation won't die down easily.

It never does.

Soooo Here I am at 2 AM. and all I want to do is here his voice. But I'm too much of a chicken to call him.

Mood: Sad :(

Introducing Jackie O. a.k.a. Pregnant

Jackie O. is a friend of mine at work. She's a feisty Latina with a very pretty face and a very laxed attitude. I don't know how she ended up with her current bf (baby daddy) because he's ABSOLUTELY FUGLY. Anyway, Jackie O is now 9 mos. pregnant and the baby still still still won't come out. Everyone's been telling her to walk more and walk with black socks, no underwear, etc etc. Then I asked Mother what she would recommend. Mother said: "She should have sex." Just like that. Point blank. I dispensed this advice to Jackie O. and she replied, "I already tried that. Bill thinks he's hung so much that he'll stab the baby's head." It was then that I rolled my eyes. Raised my eyebrow. And said:

"If you swallowed in the first place. You wouldn't be in this situation."

Poor Jackie O. I hope the baby doesn't take after his father and becomes just as fugly. Thank God I am what I am. At least I won't have to worry about being preggers!

P.S. We joke around like this a lot. I did buy her baby stuff from Gap Baby so at least he'll be fashionable. non?

Thinking at Night

So Here I am in the middle of the night and am still as restless as evarrr. I can never force myself to sleep because it makes me reflect on my life especially my love life or rather the lack thereof. I can't stop thinking of HIM and HE knows who he is...I just wish we could be together. Damn the Distance!
I know. I know. LDR's never work out etc. etc. I just loved how he can see right through me. It must be nice to have someone. I guess...I really really really like him and miss his voice and our conversations. I should just swallow my pride and call him. But the last time I did was in SF. I was drunk. My bff's said I said something to the effect of "I want to have sex with you at the St. Francis Hotel where we can have a view of Union Square and Louis Vuitton." Apparently I kept on telling him I much I loved him and he replied I love you too ( I think. I hope.)
Nothing will ever come out of it. He has a bf now.

I got this quote from flash's blog:
"But don't get me wrong, being not an irreplaceable person doesn't mean always mean that you're a very good person. The other person, who might think he isn't good for you, may feel he isn't irreplaceable, so he'll exit himself out of your perfect life..."

Exit out of my perfect life. I miss him. I'm becoming a desperada.

I made my super secret plans known to the parentals: That I would move to SF after I graduate. They were kinda happy. Mother plans to buy a house in the old country and start some sort of business (she's not that good at handling money). Dad want to move to Seattle (I'm dubious about that plan). They figured they can move to the West Coast. I think all of us have had enough of the Sunshine State. Too much sun. Too much cancer (poor dad got skin cancer last year. it's ok now though). and TOO MANY OLD PEOPLE! People come to Florida to die, as my friend Tom always said. I always thought they'd get divorced. But now separation is in the negotiations. Divorce is icky and messy. Kaloka! ang parentals ko!
Anyway I realized that I was getting older. Old enough that my parent's don't just dismiss my ideas...Ah! the power of youth!
Mother absolutely loved her new LV damier azure pochette. Something she can put her makeup in. Something she can stick inside her even larger bag.

One of my purchases in SF was a body scrub made from Dead Sea Salt and body butter from Onsen. I was apprehensive in purchasing at first since I only use Clinique. But the body butter smells so goooood on me. Wish I had a b/f I can share it with. hehe. :( But I don't. Oh well.

I love love love H&M! I wish there was one here in the land that time forgot...errr Tampa. At least we have LV, Dior, Neiman, and Saks.

Thnks to Tactology for the comment. You can read his blog. Here.

I suck at blogging.

I haven't posted anything for a week. I was too lazy and so I decided to just have fun in San Francisco. We shopped, slept, shopped, clubbed, shopped, ate, and of course shopped. I finally finally bought my LV abesses messenger bag, an LV wallet and a new pair of LV sunglasses. I introduced my friendships to the fabulous and chica world of H&M. They loved it. I love love love San Fran. Everything's so chica about it. It's like a little New York. I'll post other stories later.

One of my bff's convinced me to highlight my hair which is something I said I would never evar evar do. But it looks great. Anyway, I just want to post this song/music video for someone special to me. I wish things could be different for the two of us but I think I know that it won't work out...at least not at this time. Maybe another time...i dunno. As I said before the only man in my life right now is Louis Vuitton and of course I have my abfab, wonderful, fun-freaking-tastic friends...I love you guys...