Wish Away

I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas =)

This year hasn't been to kind to me, but if Dorothy can remain optimistic, then so can I.

Blind Date

I've never been on one.

I have this fear of rejection and all that so I don't want to show up at a place and look like an idiot. I haven't even seen his picture! So I'm kinda hesitant about meeting him.

Blind dates. Good Idea or bad?

On an unrelated note, I'm GLAD SHE"S BACK!



I love this song. 'cuz i'm wetoddit like dut.

Ft. Lauderdale

On Halloween weekend, my bestest friend got in an auto accident. Naturally, I rushed to his side to aid and comfort him as any good friend should. The car was totally wrecked, yet he survived with only scratches on his head and hands from the shards of glass. Seeing that he was fine, we decided to take a road trip to his newly-bought house in Ft. Lauderdale.

When we got there, three hours later, he remembered that the keys to the house were in his car. The one that got wrecked. So we decided to check into the nearest hotel I can find. We ended up at the Il Lugano.
It was probably one of the nicest boutique hotels I've ever stayed in. The rooms were fabulous.


They even had Bulgari bath amenities!




Anyway, we ended up at Dudes, a gay bar across the street and my friend hooked up with this couple looking for a threesome. I decided to just walk around and see Ft. Lauderdale on Halloween night. Then I saw him.

He was a blond blue-eyed eye candy. Tall,lean, yet muscular, with his hair spiked up. He approached me. He invited me back into Dudes where he bought me a drink. I was drunkety drunk drunk drunk 4 shots later. We decided to go to to my hotel room. Once there, we decided to do the deed. He rimmed me and I rimmed him...something I thought I would never ever do! And for the first time ever, I gave up my ehem...cherry. Yes. I had hot anal sex with a hot Russian. He was the first one who I allowed to f*ck me. At first it was painful, but it felt good after a while. His c*ck was HUGE! It must've been at least 9. He kept saying how sexy I was and kept nibbling on my ear. I loved it! I really shed all my hang ups and discovered that sex with total strangers is FANTASTIC! So thank you B! Thanks for a wonderful time!

Sex Ettiquette

To the guy who I met last Wednesday night:

I do realize that NSA sex is just that. But please for the love of GOD follow these simple rules if you ever want to get laid.

1. Shower before meeting a potential sex partner.
I took the time to shower and clean every orifice. I sprayed myself with Dolce and Gabbana and smelled damned good. But you smelled like feces. You could have at least showered. I could smell the BO and it was definitely not a turn on.

2. Clean your house.
I thought gay men were suppose to be neat and tidy. You weren't. There was cat poop on your carpet! The smell of your house was overwhelming. It was a mixture of cat urine and cat poop. I wanted to puke.

3. No means NO!
When I say "this isn't happening", Don't chase after me. Even if you looked like Brad Pitt, but smelled like SHIT, I will NOT blow you.

Thanks for a ruined night. I knew I should have said yes to the other guy who showed me a face pic!

About Last Weekend

I danced in the middle of the floor, with music thumping overhead.

thud. thud. thump.

I was already buzzed from my third drink of chivas. I was surrounded by men.

Then I realized, sometimes life is about dancing with yourself and being okay with it.

Sweet.

Attraction

I have a crush on someone at work. He's cute, Chinese, tall and makes me laugh. He rides a motorcycle and looks oh so sexy when he gets on and off it. His leather jacket just make me go crazy. When we talk I just want to kiss him on his pouty, red lips. I imagine pursuing this crush since he seems to flirt back and my gaydar goes off when we talk.

But...

I'm his boss. Yep, I am his boss.

I don't wish to complicate my life at work. I don't want to break my own rules. I've already broken quite a few--including taking up smoking. But seriously, dating an employee...I can just imagine what would happen. Sexual harassment suits and all that.

If my head keeps on arguing against it, then why do I keep asking the What if's?...

What if I did kiss him?
What if he kissed me?
What if he did ask me out?

It's another slippery slope.

Slippery Slope

One wrong decision in life can lead to circumstances of which you have no control. One bad choice might lead to another. This is what I have tried to avoid--the slippery slope. My friend Eric, on the other hand, is admittedly spontaneous and a little dense. He fell in love with his boss (who was straight), moved in with him and basically became the sugar mama. Eric paid for everything including the drugs which they used. The relationship finally broke up in June, much to my relief. But the repercussions are still being felt--only by Eric.

He was fired from his job because he did something illegal.

Now there's even more drama, he got a girl pregnant. Against my Catholic sensibilities, I advised the girl to get an abortion. From my assessment, it is the only sensible choice. My friend doesn't even know himself and is in no way ready for a child--neither is the mother. But still the pangs of Catholic guilt hang over me.

I love him like a brother and sometimes I just want to slap him in the face and tell him to grow up and accept who he is.

I don't need my own drama. My friends have more than enough for me to handle.

I tried that luv thing for the last time.

This is how I feel right now. I feel a song coming on...

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How did you get here
Nobody's supposed to be here
I've tried that love thing for the last time
My heart said no, no
Nobody's suppose to be here
But you came along and changed my mind

I've spent all my life
On a search to find
The love who'll stay for eternity
That heaven sent to fulfill my needs
But when I turn around
Again love has knocked me down
My heart got broke and oh it hurts so bad
I'm sad to say love wins again

So I placed my heart under lock and key
To take some time and take care of me
But I turn around and you're standing here

This time I swear I'm through
But if only you knew
How many times I've said those words
Then fall again, when will I ever learn

Knowing these tears I cry
There's probably black butterflies
Must take a chance
And spread my wings
Love can make ya do some crazy things

A Visitation

I just got home from an evening with a former chatmate and my best friend. Chatmate was in town on business and contacted us saying he wanted to meet.

It was one of the best evenings ever. He's really a catch! Seriously though, he's intelligent, witty, humble, and cute! But I would put him in the 'friend' category. There just was no spark. He was all over my best though, caressing his arm, the lingering looks. I think they would make a great match except he lives up North and my friend lives down here. Long distance relationships never work out.

Dinner was fantastic with delicious freshly grilled seafood with a view of the water and sunset. Chatmate wanted to check out the nonexistent gay scene in Tampa, which I obliged. The first gay bar was empty and the other gay bar was closed.

We ended up in Starbucks.

He regaled us with stories about San Francisco, his hometown, and I was enthralled. I wish I could live in San Francisco. It seems like a magical city. He confirmed the feeling I got when I visited there. It felt like home. I really want to move there even more so than before.

Dallas Mini Birthday Vacation

This post is long overdue. I spent my birthday weekend this month in Dallas. It was a blast! I am seriously thinking about moving there after I graduate this December (FINALLY!).

Stayed in a typical hotel room by Westin which I shared with my best friends. Beds were uber-comfortable and they even had a double-headed...shower!

I really didn't take very many pictures of my own beacuse:
a) my camera sucks
b) i wasn't in a picture-taking mood
c) the rest of my friends did all the 'kodakan'

We ate at Palomino's which is a great restaurant at a street which I now forgot. I had the paella. It was fantastic.

Then we met up with a friend of a friend--Marian and went clubbing at Purgatory. It was a straight club so I didn't dance as much as I wanted to. I still get self-conscious.

The next day I shopped 'til I dropped at NorthPark Mall which is a very beautiful place and paid a visit at Neiman on Main St. where I added Pradas to my small shoe collection. NorthPark Mall always has ongoing art exhibitions and this time it was sculptures out of cans. This one called 'chicken of the sea'...like the tuna.


That night, we went clubbin' at Station 4, probably one of the best gay clubs I've been to. It has a good mix of people and races. The tunes were awesome and I of course shook my booty to Lola Cyndi.

I even danced with some very very gorgeous men. I got drunk. You'll know I'm drunk when I start grindin' on a stranger's crotch. My friend got even drunker. I started talking like Patsy Stone and that was it. Apparently, the highlight of the night was when my friend D kissed his Thai crush! It was a kilig moment!

The next day we visited Six Flags Over Texas.

I don't do roller coasters, but somehow my friends convinced me to ride the Texas Giant. It was probably one of the roughest rides of my life. I was bruised by the end of the ride. I saw the cutest Half Asian Everr! He was so cute and he was PLU! I was too intimidated to flirt! Oh Well at least I took a picture of the Green Lantern!

And What a Lantern it is!

We finished the night by eating at Nick and Sam's, one of THE BEST steakhouses in Dallas. the waiters were beautiful, the wine was excellent, and the chateaubriand melted in your mouth.

All in all, it was the best birthday EVER!

Next year we plan to take a bite out of the Big Apple...

BIG G

I'm currently blogging from the Westin Hotel in downtown Dallas. I've just finished eating a sumptuous dinner at Palomino's when two gays, one dressed in a yuppie attire and the other--dressed in a peach-colored woman's top with matching peach jacket and rouged face, walked in.

Damn! I told my friend he/she could have at least worn a nice Chanel suit and some cheap outfit. If you're gonna be a tranny, might as well live it to the fullest. Dallas is full of gays. I have never seen more gays, except in San Francisco. Big D should be renamed Big G--Gaytown.

Dallas is fine, but it's kinda dead at night. Am waiting for a local friend to show me around town later tonight.

Palomino's was great! The tilapia my friend ordered was fantastic. I had the paella. Will post pics later. Gotta shower now. Ciao!

~~~

On a separate note, I got an outsider's point of view when Empress Maruja blogged about the Democratic and Republican conventions. Interesting!

Life After the Downfall

After the Marcoses fell, after Ninoy so valiantly sacrificed his own life, what has become of the Philippines?

Tough question eh?

To this day, the country still bears the Marcos baggage.




How can I be proud of a government that counts people as its biggest export?

Bond. James Bond.

Saw the new Bond trailer. Can't wait til it comes out.


There's been a rumor that Amy Winehouse won't be doing the Bond theme.

Too bad.

Here's what it would have looked like if she did it for Casino Royale.

Realizations

I saw The Dark Knight today with Sam. Needless to say, I'm sure all you heard how wonderful it was--the best Batman movie ever, etc.

It is.

During the movie, I was shocked. Shocked that he put his hand on top of mine and held it there til the movie ended. I don't think I can go down that road again. I admit that for sometime since we broke up, I've been lonely.

Yes. Lonely.

I do keep busy with work as it has gotten more complex. But late at night, when I lie in bed I miss him hugging me. I miss waking up next to someone. I know things won't ever go back to what they were. It'd be all too easy to just get back together though. But I can never give him what he wants, at least not now.

Because I am a coward.

I am sorry Sam.

Announcement

I've just deleted a comment posted by a blogger that I do not know. The comment was directed towards another blogger who I read quite often. I do believe in free speech, but please keep it to constructive comments. Attacking others in the comments section is really low.

I've decided to moderate all comments. This is no democracy. This is MY blog.

If you want to read hateful comments, there are plenty of blogs who specialize in that.

Thank you for reading my dribbles.

AbFab Airhead

I first heard this song on one of McVie and the Fabcasters' podcasts. I absolutely loved it.

Then I thought I wonder if it has anything to do with AbFab?

Well duh! I found this youtube video. The song was made just for the show.

Yes, I can be a himbo at times.



Then I started watching the entire series while working on my papers and projects til 4AM.

I almost snorted out my tea while laughing when I saw this:

Independence

Right now, I feel that there are many misconceptions around the world about America. They feel that we are oppressors, tyrants, greedy, monstrous people. But I beg to differ. We have been misrepresented. From my travels around the country, I can tell you that Americans are kind-hearted, generous and fun-loving people.

It's just that the government--rather the current administration--does not reflect the same values.

This election year, I hope that things will definitely change. I feel that we will once again be friends. Change is in the air and I am ever so excited!

Honor the past. Look to the Future. Change what is needed in the present.

Hope. We live on it.

Nothingness

I've never liked taking summer classes. I really detest doing schoolwork when the weather outside is too hot and sticky. I should be lounging by the pool or on the beach reading my favorite books. I've accumulated too many books which I have not yet read.
I don't feel very fabulous lately. I am in need of some dire retail therapy.
I did just finish reading Jessica Zafra's Twisted 8.
I loved it.
It really brings Manila to a different level of understanding for me especially the short stories.
Buy it. Read it.
My next book is Murakami's 69.

~~

Texas Junket

Here are some pictures of San Antonio and Dallas. I should've posted them long ago. My impression of Texas? Big and Fun! I thought it was just as state full of cowboys and homophobes. Little did I know. Texans are proud of their state and are extremely friendly people. I started my trip in Dallas to pick up friends and drove through Austin and into San Antonio then back to Dallas again. Tiring, but fun with friends.

Reunion Tower. The Hyatt Regency is on the left.


I love this building. Looks like a rocket ready to take flight. Apparently, it was designed by I.M. Pei.





Downtown Dallas


Ate at a fabulous Japanese place. Yes. I finished it all. Except for the rice.


Once we got to San Antonio, I insisted that we take the river boat cruise. Saw these chica ladies in hats.


A long time ago, the San Antonio River flooded all the time. So what did the Government do? Control the river! Flood gates and so on were created. San Antonio's Ladies Society (from what I can recall the guide telling me) decided to create a park along the riverbanks where people can walk and enjoy themselves.





San Antonio is a very lovely picturesque city. Full of tourists and old people. Hence, the night life kinda stinks. No one told us that Austin was so much better at night.


Here's the obligatory shot of the Alamo. It looks much better at night. It's where Texas fought for independence against Mexico. Yes. Texas used to be part of Mexico. Then it became it's own independent country until annexation by the US. Read about it here.


I'll be going back to Dallas in soon. I didn't even get to see the original Neiman Marcus store!

A Fitting End

I finished watching Sex and the City. For the first time ever, I was carded by the ticket lady. I was very flattered since I am nowhere near underage. I used to watch SATC in high school for God's sake.

Some thoughts about it:
I love how Carrie wore the fur coat from the very first episode.
I love how Carrie said "Just get me a really BIG closet." Awesome.
I love how Samantha still has sex and how love finally got her.
I love the clothes, the shoes, the bags.
Mr. Big is still one hot daddy.

I wasn't too fond of Miranda's hair.
Steve's aged considerably. We're talking crow's feet.
The product placements were too overwhelming.
The Louise character was unnecessary and a waste of Hudson's talent. It was all fluff. The whole entire assistant thing was just weird. I couldn't even imagine Carrie hiring an assistant when the show was still on. I have to agree with Jessica Zafra, Louise was put there by Louis Vuitton.

Overall it was like seeing old friends again. The final scene made me feel old and sad. It a fitting end for the four girls. I hope they don't make a sequel it'll definitely just ruin it. Sometimes things are better left alone so that we can appreciate it for years to come. Plus, who really wants to see Samantha have sex when she's like 60...

Watch it. You won't regret it. I am DEFINITELY buying the dvd when it comes out.

Tag-a-long

I've been tagged by Corporate Closet to list ten random things about me.

Rules First:
1. List ten random things about yourself.
2.Post the rules.
3.Choose ten other people to tag so that it spreads like a virus.
4. Comment on their site that they have been tagged.

Random Things About Me.

1. I do smoke, but only when I drink. There's nothing like a cigarette when drinking scotch. I really only drink when I go out with friends. Hence, I can't even be qualified as a smoker.


2. I admire Drag Queens and transvestites. I really love love love how some of them can look like the most beautifully dressed women. It takes a lot of balls for someone to go out there in a dress.


3. I hope to see people who I haven't seen someday soon. I have family all over the world. Dubai, London, Berlin and Australia--I haven't seen some of my Aunts since I was 12. Sad huh?

4. Rice is my downfall. Every time I have a week of eating rice rice rice I gain weight weight weight. I also love ice cream. I've battled with my weight since after high school when I stopped being active in sports. The Freshman fifteen for me was more like the Freshman fifty. And it got worse. I've yo-yo'ed weight-wise for years. I've finally come to the realization to cut out rice forever.


5. I fear growing old. Whenever I hear about old classmates marrying or having children I think to myself "Fuck! I'm OLD!"

6. I have special underwear to wear when I go on dates. Call it 'lucky underpants'.

7. I love the idea of being in love. But I just can't seem to surrender myself to the other person's every whim. The last relationship was all give and no take. I do still love him, but it just wasn't working out. As Samantha always said "I love you. But I love me more."

8. I listen to Ted Failon and Korina Sanchez whenever I can. They're better on the radio where they can express their opinions and make fun of politicians, but in a way that even the politicians themselves cannot decipher. I think Korina is the bomb, but her show on TV is CORNY.


9. My biggest insecurity is still about my body. I don't wear shorts because of it. But don't get me wrong, I am comfortable in my own skin and I do love love love myself!

10. Fantasy: Rough sex. Imagine when a gorgeous guy with chiseled muscles just comes up to me and asks "Wanna f*c*?" He then proceeds to have his way with me calling me all kinds of dirty names. And he just does me really good like when your head keeps hitting the headboard. Then he would force me to...well...let's not get carried away. This isn't Kwentong Kalibugan.

There you have it.

Now I tag Reyna Elena, Empress Maruja, Bryan, Q the Conqueror, Rye and Chase--with hope he will come back to blogging.

~~
On a separate note, A special thanks to Manolo Quezon for mentioning my post on Meralco on his blog. Kinda embarassed because I really write about stupid stuff. Anyway I think you are ADORABLE Manolo. There's nothing sexier in a man than intelligence and a passion for his cause.

A Bad Investment

I am sure that most people in the Philippines know of Manila Electric company or better know as MERALCO. During the past few weeks, The Philippine Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) which owns a substantial share of MERALCO have decided to try to take over the company through a proxy fight. The GSIS President, the ever honorable bag of gas that is Winston Garcia, has decided that MERALCO overcharges its consumers and have mismanaged the company. GSIS invests money into MERALCO in order to turn a profit which is then used to pay for the pensions of thousands of civil servants.

The management of a company's number one priority should be to increase shareholder wealth. They are in fact owners of the company. To this effect, I believe that MERALCO's current management has held its end of the bargain. Only when the government has started to talk about a takeover is when the stock price began to plummet.

Hence, I am still VERY hesitant about investing in the Philippines.

Whenever government dabbles too much into the affairs of business, it ends into a tangled mess with politicians pocketing profits more than the shareholders. When a friend or a business associate asks me if I hold investments in the Philippines, I reply with a consistent "No."

I am sorry to say that the stock market has not fully matured. There are too many backroom deals with companies exchanging hands through a drunken night of mahjong. The corruption of government regulators is rampant and my confidence has continually eroded. Winston Garcia's current theatrics has added to the reputation of Philippine capital markets as being volatile and corrupt.

It doesn't end there. Several politicians have proposed that all text messages be free so as to alleviate the situation of the poor. The government should think long and hard before mandating this preposterous proposal. It would be another blow against private enterprise at the guise of helping the poor.

Then again, can anyone be really surprised?

Elections are coming soon and the dogs must be given their bone. Harsh reality. But sometimes we all need a reality check.

American Boy

I love love love this song!
Am not sure if it's new or old.
I guess I'm no longer hip :(



Whenever I hear this Danity Kane song, it reminds me of high school.


Nostalgia's nice once and a while right?!?!
Speaking of nostalgia, Sam and I have talked and have remained friends...or something like it. I did sleep with him last night. No sex though. We just slept. Blame it on a pitcher of mojitos. But it was nice waking up next to him again.

Deadwood

I'm currently watching a Deadwood marathon. Seasons 1 to 3. I feel sooooo macho with the cussin' and fightin' and cussin'. I swear I haven't heard the words shit, fuck, motherfucker, cocksucka etc. so much in my entire life.

Here's a clip:


Goddamned cocksucka!

Oh. wait.

I am one.

Ciao!

Guess What I Got!

I bought them on a whim during my holiday in Dallas. They were on my list and I finally gave in and bought them. J'adore!

I wore them the very same night I bought them and I must say that I got plenty of compliments especially from T-Boy, my one night stand in Dallas.

Pep Talk

"...Pain or damage don't end the World or despair or fuckin' beatings .
The World ends when you're dead.
Until then, you got more punishment in store.
Stand it like a man and give some back..."
-Al Swearengen

Scared

The past few days have been crazy.

I have not been myself.

Work, school, exams, are just taking up almost all of my time.
My relationship with Sam has been suffering.

The trip to Texas has led me to question certain things about my relationship with Sam.
I know he wants to take it to the next level, even hinting at meeting my parents.
That's something I'm not prepared to do.

To further exacerbate things, I met someone in Dallas.
I'm not one to have sex with a guy I just met.
But it just happened. It was only a one night stand.
Yet, he has called me several times.

I guess I'm not ready for a fully drawn out relationship.
That's something I cannot give, at least not now.
Sam and I are in a "cool off" period.

It's obvious that we're no longer on the same page.

Flying

I'm currently waiting for my flight to board.

I'm going to Texas to visit some friends and relax for a few days.

Sam's not with me.

This is ME time!

I'll post pictures of my trip.

Rumors

There's been a rumor going around at work.
They say that I had been dating my friend Janny and fathered her child.

Little do they know.

When I told the story to Janny while holding my Goddaughter she laughed uncontrollably.

So did her husband Gary.

They know about me and Sam.

The easiest way to spread company policy and new directives isn't by memo or text or email. It's good ol' fashioned gossip through the grapevine. What's interesting is that before I heard these rumors of me having an affair and fathering a child, there was another rumor that I was gay. Of course I neither confirm nor deny any rumors. It's more fun that way.

I like to think that others think of me as a mystery. Plus, it's really much easier to manage people if you don't reveal too much about yourself. Almost all of my subordinates know very little about my personal life and I'd like to keep it that way. I like to keep work and home separate as much as possible. Never mix business with pleasure as they say.

There was also another rumor that one of the department heads, Carrie, was pregnant. After all, she was a big woman and it was hard to tell.

As I approached Carrie, I rubbed her large, protruding belly and said, "Congratulations on the baby!"

With a quizzical look and a raised brow, Carrie replied "What baby?!?! I'm not pregnant."

I turned beet red and apologized.

Good thing she was a sport about it all.

Painting by Rose Freymuth-Frazier

A Deep Divide

In reading Jessica Zafra’s blog entry “A Condensed History of the Rich”, Zafra contends that the oligarchic tendency of the Philippine social structure as well as its penchant for bossism and nepotism ultimately contribute to the cycle of poverty. The end result is a wide and deep income inequality. That is to say, that those at the top earn disproportionately more compared to those at the bottom of the economic barrel. This inequality cycles itself therefore not allowing the country to prosper as a whole.

Got that?

This can certainly be seen in the case of many industrialized nations. For instance, look at the United States. A strong middle class brought about by the industrial revolution allowed the country to prosper. But this was not always the case. So-called robber barons of the late 1800’s dominated America’s industries. Then the income tax came about. The progressive income tax is seen as a leveler of inequality. Tax the rich more than the poor. After all, they can afford. Furthermore taxes such as the Inheritance or Estate Tax ensured that family wealth would not stay “in the family” for generations to come. In this way oligarchies were broken. New entrepreneurs were encouraged and the country benefited as a whole.

If income inequality is the root of the problem, then government has the power to fix it through a progressive income tax rather than the regressive consumption tax known as the VAT. It is unconscionable that the Philippine government tax the poor at the same rate as the rich.

How is this possible you ask?

Let’s say there is 1 peso a tax on sardines. Since the poor would essentially consume the same number of cans of sardines as the rich (theoretically), then the same tax rate of 1 peso per can of sardines would apply to both of them. Proportionately, the 1 peso tax would hurt the poor man more since…well…he’s poor.

Then why oh why is GMA proclaiming that the RP will be a first world nation within a generation? It’s an estimate that is premature and certainly unrealistic given the current situation. The GDP did grow 7 percent, yet most of the gains were garnered by the rich and the poor felt little. Trickle down economics has not worked. A lot of work needs to be done before anyone can proclaim the Philippines as first world. Open your eyes and see the poor in Baseco, Tondo, Payatas, and a myriad of other “informal settlements”. Look at those living beside the antiquated railway.

It’s time for a revolution. The patchwork solutions of former administrations have not worked. Wake up and smell the stench from the Pasig River running right through your backyard.

Oh Bother!

When in a relationship, things have to be decided together. Certain liberties that you once took for granted are gone. The days of carefree and inconsequential decisions are over. This was the case the other night.

As many of you know, I lead a very busy life with work and school full time. Certain luxuries like spontaneous dinners or lunches must be scheduled. I adhere to my schedule religiously. Last weekend, I got an unexpected call from an old college friend, Maria. She's a fabulous European exchange student from Greece who I met at my old alma mater. During her stint at school, we went club hopping, bar hopping, shopped together, and ogled cute boys on the beach. When Maria met her boyfriend Vlad and moved to LA with him, I was so sad. So naturally, when she came to town I dropped everything and accepted her invite to go to dinner.

We ended up in Ybor City at the Acropolis Greek Taverna where they served really great Greek food.They even had belly dancers gyrating to music. It was like being in a Sultan's Harem. I had such a good time that I left my cellphone in the car without knowing it.

When the night was over, I took Maria back to her sister's house and opened my cellphone.

Twenty missed calls. All of them from Sam.

I called him back, but he didn't answer the phone. So, I naturally shrugged it off and figured that I'd call him in the morning.

The next day my phone rang at 8am. It was him and he was pissed.

Sam: Why didn't you answer your phone?

Me: Sorry. I left it in the car. I didn't realize it 'til later. I was with an old college friend, Maria. I hadn't seen her in like a million years.

Sam: Well that was really inconsiderate of you. You couldn't pick up the phone and tell me where you were? You know you always do this. You always think about yourself. You never think about me.

At this point in the conversation, my ears started ringing and I was starting to get mad.

Me: You know what. I'll call you later when this is out of your system.

I promptly hung up the phone.

In analyzing the situation, I must admit that I was wrong. I should have called him. I should have said I was going out with friends. But he didn't have to get all loud and aggravated at me! Relationships do take a lot of work and patience. Sometimes I think he's worse than my Mom. He calls me on his breaks, during his lunches, on my breaks and lunches, when I go home, when I wake up, not to mention all the text messages.

It gets tedious.

Then again I guess it's a small price to pay for having someone who you can say loves you as much as you love them.

As for the fight, don't worry. It all blew over a few days later. Literally and figuratively.

We always seem to have the best sex after fighting.

Self-Pity

I just finished watching a recent episode of the Correspondents. It was about students studying in the Philippine National School for the Blind. I cannot even imagine what it is like to be blind ;not being able to see colors and the beauty of the world. You would think these students would just give up. Instead, they learn how to become self-sufficient and independent.

Unfortunately, after graduating from high school most of them find it difficult to be enrolled in colleges and universities. Worse yet, they find it even more difficult to find jobs.

I do realize that the Philippines is not like the United States. I do know that many of the opportunities that exist here are not afforded to many in the Philippines.

What can Filipinos do? You ask.

As one of the blind teachers said in the program,

“We don’t need pity. We need opportunity.”

These people are not wallowing in self-pity. They are making the most of what they can. They are fighting back against their disabilities and showing their worth. Please give them a chance. If you’re in Human Resources, a manager, or someone in a position to give them the opportunity to show their skills, please do so. All they need is reasonable accommodation.

Give them a chance.

Good Friday

I was going to post some new stuff, but I remembered that it's Good Friday. Out of deference to all Christians, I will not post it until Easter.

I remember my Lola would always tell me that Jesus would die on Friday and since Christ would not be around until Sunday, we should all behave and be good lest the devil should take our souls and aswangs attack!

I will take the opportunity now to answer questions and comments.

@Quentin- SATC the movie comes out May 30 in the US. I think. I hope.
@Rye- I am soooo excited to see it! I count the days!
@Nelson- I had no idea there was such a group as the Gucci Gang. I don't believe that the Philippines is a nation of thieves, just a majority of those in power.

For those who commented about the political situation in the Philippines, keep in mind that all things come to pass. Even GMA's Administration. There is an end to all things.

Thank you for the comments and for those who read though my posts have become few and far between.

Can't Wait!

I am so stoked about seeing this movie!

Hell Hath No Fury

For those of you who don't read Bryanboy, this blog has been introduced on one of his posts. It's written by an ex-boyfriend of DJ Montano, one of the members of Manila's young, elites. They call themselves the Gucci Group. This blog has really exposed the Manila Elite.

Trust me. For those who live in Manila--the Philippines for that matter, you will recognize their names. I, of course, withhold all judgments. I am just here to read. But from what I can see. The guy should get his money back.

Hell hath no fury like a jilted lover.

Click Here to read the blog which will be THE TALK of the Town.

Tama na Dong!

Whenever she speaks, it always makes me laugh.
Imagine if you had to be one of her kids!
I guess that she's a prime example of a showbiz mom.

A Cardinal Sin

Read this in Conrado de Quiros' column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

"That reminded me, I said, of what I saw on TV, which was one of Arroyo’s baubled, bangled and beaded, quite apart from heavily cosmeticized, friends defending her ardently on TV by saying, “GMA [Arroyo] evil? That’s like calling me a prostitute!”

What can one say? One rests one’s case.

"Corazon Aquino is asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt, the schools are asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt, business is asking Arroyo to resign because she is corrupt. And the Catholic bishops are asking Arroyo to remain because she can help fight the corrupt? That has got to be the joke of the century."

Cardinal Sin is rolling over in his grave.

A Primer

I saw this on ABS-CBN NOW. Thanks to the person who posted it on Youtube. It really formed my opinion.


Part2
Part3
Part4

Just some observations:

1. Lozada might be OA and dramatic, but the man is telling the truth.
2. There really were anomalies to the contract which GMA signed.
3. GMA still has deniability in ALL of this.
4. A Broadband Network linking all of the Philippines?!?! Are you f’ng out of your mind?!?! There are still places that don’t have electricity or paved roads! Why not do those first? Bah!

I’ll have a longer post about this topic.

How's that "Burjer"?

I just thought that this was funny. It made me laugh, then cough uncontrollably.



Hamburjer anyone?

~~
In other news, yours truly has been fighting a bout with bronchitis. I was forced to go to the doctor after I saw specks of blood on a tissue after coughing. All the medicine I've been taking is making me high.

Lunch Date

Since Sam was going to leave for business on the 14th, we decided to celebrate last night. I came over his apartment last night and he had Al Green playing. Well one ting lead to another...and there I was finding myself in an uncompromising position... between his legs.

The next day I woke up to Sam kissing me on the lips and he slowly and achingly made his way down to my 'special no-no spot' which he proceeded to ravage with gusto. The afterglow stayed with me throughout the rest of the day. That's the thing about sex. When it's good, the endorphins can last for a very long time.

We finally dragged ourselves out of bed and decided to have lunch at Cafe Alma.


I had the Salade Niçoise. It was absolutely delicious. There was perfect balance between the sweetness of the balsamic reduction dressing and the saltiness of the capers. The leafy greens were fluffy and light and the fresh tuna was seared to perfection.


Sam had the Sauteed Calamari. It was served on a bed of baby spinach. I, of course, had to taste it. It was absolutely yummy.


Since I'm not suppose to have sugar, Sam shared his creme brulee with me. The sugar was hard and cracked when hit with a spoon which is how creme brulee should be.


The decor could use a little improvement though. I'm not feeling the whole Bohemian, dark interiors. Still, it's a fantastic place because of the food and the great service.




Hope y'all 'got it on' on VDay!

Bathroom Fight

To me, nothing says I love you like cleaning your boyfriend's dirty, nasty, stinky bathroom. Sam found me hunched over the tub scrubbing furiosly a la Joan Crawford. The smell of bleach waffed throught his entire apartment. What can I say? Nothing smells cleaner than bleach. If it can kill plants, it can kill germs!

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Cleaning." I retorted. "You can literally write on the soap scum. See?"
I pointed at the spot where I wrote 'Clean Me.'
"Ok." Sam replied curtly.

I knew he was upset. Had I stepped over the line? Did I do the wrong thing by finally taking action? I hinted to him several times over about the bathroom being 'a little skanky'.

He was silent through dinner. We had the classical music playing in the background. I fiddled with the chicken. I didn't have much of an appetite. He cleared the plates and I retreated to the bedroom where I worked on papers for school. A few hours later, the chill was still in the air and he tok off his clothes and jumped into bed. I laid down beside him and he turned on the TV. Breakfast at Tiffany's was playing.

"I love this movie." I said.

He only grunted.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I upset you. It's just that I don't like dirty bathrooms and I have like an OCD on cleanliness. I'm a neatfreak. You know that."

I gave him the sad puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry too. It's just that I was embarassed," he said.

I snuggled up next to him and put my head on his shoulders. He took my hand and intertwined our fingers. Audrey Hepburn sang.

"I love you baby."
"I love you too."

I looked into his eyes and kissed him. He spooned me.
To Sam, Nothing says I love you like spooning.

~~~
Happy Valentines Day everyone and a wonderful S.A.D to the rest !

A Very British Sex Scandal

In 1954, the larger-than-life Prime Minister Winston Churchill decided to appoint a committee to investigate whether the Government should change policies towards homosexuals. The Wolfenden Committee ultimately made a decision which changed the lives of Gay Britons. This documentary was created in celebration of the Committee's proposal which ultimately decriminalized homosexuality.

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Part 5


Part 6


Part 7


Part 8

Gasparilla

This post is waaaaaaayyyyy overdue!

Gasparilla is an annual festival here in Tampa. It celebrates pirates. Yes. Pirates. It's held every year at the end of January and is over 100 years old.

It's to commemorate the sacking of Tampa, then Ybor City, by the pirate Jose Gaspar who supposedly sailed up Tampa Bay and pillaged the town. The celebrations begin during midday when the Jose Gaspar, a restored ship, sails towards downtown Tampa along with hundreds of other boaters. The ship would then dock and the pirates would demand the keys to the city which the Mayor of Tampa would readily give.

Then the pillaging of booty would begin and the pirates would parade downtown throwing beads to wenches who show their boobies.


Gasparilla. Another debauched tradition of the so-called Christian Conservatives of the South.

(Photos from Google and the St. Petersburg Times)

LDR Rules?

I just got back from having dinner with Same and his friends. Two them are Thai, one was Chinese, and another was Puerto Rican. It comes as no surprise that all of them are gay. The conversation turned towards the topic of long distance relationships. The Chinese guy admits to having a boyfriend back in Hong Kong and has an "open relationship". I admitted to having bad experiences with LDR's and open relationships.

"Well John, have you heard of the rules?" he asked coyly.

1. Don't fall in love.
2. Only blow jobs are allowed.
3. Absolutely NO ANAL SEX!
4. It's just sex, fucking, fornicating. Nothing more.
5. Don't fall in love.

Apparently they've been following these rules for four years now.

I was astonished.

~~
On a side note, if you're ever in Tampa try Gallagher's Steakhouse. It's a branch of the original one in New York. The steak is just as fantastic and the service impeccable. Try the aged Porterhouse and the potatoes au gratin.

C U N ext T uesday

It all started with the word CUNT.
Atonement is one of those movies that truly affected me.




I didn't cry nor was I horrified. After watching it I just felt so bad for the Brionie. The guilt and the pain that she lived through must have been so inconceivable. It's easy for us to tuck away our sins and not think of the consequences, but the ghosts of our actions will always haunt us.

I highly highly recommend this movie. Definitely an Oscar winner. Even Sam liked it and he thought it was going to be one of those chick flicks.

Real Love

I was reading Reyna Elena's post and found out about Kik’s little project about writing something based on our own experiences with m2m love and relationships.

Here’s mine.

A few years ago, when I first moved to Florida from the place where I grew up, the pangs of loneliness and despair were thick and palpable. I had fleeting experiences with the same sex before, but never engaged in a full-on relationship. I had never loved a man. Then I discovered the world of Yahoo chat rooms.

I connected with so many people and some remain close friends to this day. It was the first time that I really explored and finally admitted to myself about my sexuality. Anyway, it was then that I met Bill. He was the STAR of the chat room. He was the darling, the one who would hold shows…you know what type of shows they were. I was instantly smitten. Plus, the fact that I had never been with a Pinoy really turned me on. Bill and I eventually forged an online relationship and I fell hard. I treated it as if it was a real relationship. Sadly, he didn’t reciprocate. It was a few weeks later that I learned that he had a new boyfriend in Manila. I cried for days on end. He explained that we should have an open relationship. I turned a blind eye. I was so determined that I would have him back and that he would be mine. He would say again and again that he loved me.

Letting go was not an option.

Eventually, I did let go with the help of friends who finally made me see the light. Unfortunately, whenever he would im me and turn on his cam, I turned to mush and granted his every wish.

I finally met him in person when I visited Manila. He insisted that he meet me late one night. I’ll never forget that night when I finally saw him in the flesh. Yes, we had sex and it was fantastic. But it was only sex for him. It was making love for me.

A week later~~
It was my last night in Manila and my flight was leaving in a few hours. I had just finished dinner with J, a friend who took time off to guide me through the city. He even offered to take me to the airport. I said no; thinking that Bill would take me. I called and called and sent text messages to Bill’s number. There was no reply. I realized that it was the end. I cried and cried and finally called a very good friend who was in town. I tearfully told my story. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
I had been so foolish. I neglected to see the people who really loved me for who I am and not for what I have. I regret not letting J take me to the airport. I regret not making a move on J who is one of the sweetest guys I know.

So, what I had was not a real love. What I had was…well I don’t know. Now that I’m older and wiser (I hope!), I don’t put my heart as much out there as I used to. Gone are the days when “I love you’s” were said after a date or a conversation.

I am lucky in my relationship now. I don’t know if it will last. No one really knows what the future holds. But what I do know is that I love. Even after all the heartaches, I still love. We move on. We have to.

Real Love is out there. But just like snow, it can only form when the circumstances are just right. And if you’re truly lucky, just like snow, it’ll fall from the sky on the greyest of grey days.

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Visit Mandaya Moore-Orlis for a great post on this topic.

In Spite of Me

I looked at his face in the darkness of the room. I was lying next to him and he was breathing deeply, not snoring. Just breathing deeply. I kissed him lightly on the lips and it startled him.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked groggily.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

He nestled in closer to my face and intertwined his hands with mine.
At that moment I knew that I loved him.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too.” He said.

We kissed deeply and I was giddy with delight.

I didn’t even notice that his hand had crept into my pants and my special no-no spot.

What pushed me to do this? Well, several of you made comments about my previous post urging me to give it a whirl and take the plunge.

But no.

That wasn’t the deciding factor.

We had a fight last weekend in which he gave me the cold shoulder treatment. As he perused his law books, I couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked.

I love the way he smells
I love the way his eyes twinkle when he laughs.
I love it when he holds my hand under the table
I love it when he laughs at my stupid jokes, the way he undercuts my cynicism.
I love when he wakes me up in the wee hours to make love before he goes to work.

Then why couldn’t I say it?

Then all of the sudden, as I was looking for my favorite Coke Zero in the local grocery store. This song started playing…

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And that my friends, is what made me say I Love You.

the Sam Saga Continues

I've been spending an inordinate amount of time with Sam lately. I still don't know what we are. We haven't discussed exclusivity or anything like that. The first time we met after his three-week vacation in Thailand was electric. I came over his apartment to return his keys and drop off his mail. As soon as I walked into the door, he hugged me and we kissed. Eventually we found our way to his bed. The sex was amazing. As he reached the throes of orgasm, he blurted "I love you."

I was silent. I'm hoping he didn't notice that I didn't say it back.

He took me out to dinner last night and he answered what had been bugging my mind.

"Why me?" I asked while cutting into my veal.

"What do yo mean?"

"What do you like so much about me?"

"You always know how to make me laugh." he said matter-of-factly.

I smiled and held his hand under the table. It's our thing. We hold hands under the table.

It still doesn't quell certain anxieties which I am experiencing. I am always on guard that this relationship could end at any moment. Also, what happens at the end of the year when I do graduate and decide to move to another city. So many questions. Then again I am overanalyzing things.

Sometimes it's best to just enjoy the moment.

Looking Forward

I think 2008 will be the year of change. It'll be one of those defining years.

First, my very first Godchild will be born. Her name will be Isabella.

Second, I'll be finished with my undergrad in accounting. It's about time.

Third, Boosh will finally leave office.


Fourth, A Democrat will be President again. Go Barack!


and lastly, my gals are coming back!