I've been spending an inordinate amount of time with Sam lately. I still don't know what we are. We haven't discussed exclusivity or anything like that. The first time we met after his three-week vacation in Thailand was electric. I came over his apartment to return his keys and drop off his mail. As soon as I walked into the door, he hugged me and we kissed. Eventually we found our way to his bed. The sex was amazing. As he reached the throes of orgasm, he blurted "I love you."
I was silent. I'm hoping he didn't notice that I didn't say it back.
He took me out to dinner last night and he answered what had been bugging my mind.
"Why me?" I asked while cutting into my veal.
"What do yo mean?"
"What do you like so much about me?"
"You always know how to make me laugh." he said matter-of-factly.
I smiled and held his hand under the table. It's our thing. We hold hands under the table.
It still doesn't quell certain anxieties which I am experiencing. I am always on guard that this relationship could end at any moment. Also, what happens at the end of the year when I do graduate and decide to move to another city. So many questions. Then again I am overanalyzing things.
Sometimes it's best to just enjoy the moment.