Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Lower Expectations?

I’m completely oblivious when people start to flirt with me.

Last Sunday while searching for the perfect birthday gift for Mommie Dearest, I saw the perfect Diane Von Furstenberg tote bag. Granted, Mommie Dearest isn’t really fond of tote bags, but I did feel sorry for her when I saw her balancing her papers in one arm and her LV speedy in another. I think she needs something to just hold all her papers together.

As I perused the selection, I was completely unaware that someone was perusing me. Well, not completely. I did see him peeking at me but paid no notice. I was still mired in what to choose. When I’m shopping, the whole world just kinda goes away and yours truly is oblivious of anything happening around me. I looked over at the Calvin Klein shirts and saw the “50% off” sign. I walked over to the rack and started to quickly review the shirts; picking out the ones I liked. I leafed through it like the pages through a book. Then Asian guy said, “Hey. Be more careful. These are expensive clothes you know…”
I smiled and laughed it off.
Obviously this guy has never heard of what expensive really is. When I hear the word expensive I think Christian Dior Couture or Chanel.
I immediately went back to looking at the shirts.
He was trying to make eye and I wasn’t making it easy.
I picked out the shirts I wanted: a black cotton polo and a long-sleeved striped.
Asian boy once again sidled up next to me to the counter to pay.
“Nice Shirts.” He said.
I smiled.
“These are the ones I picked” He raised the two DKNY t-shirts.
I smiled.
I swiped my Amex.
“Nice card.” He said.
I smiled.
Then I left.
Just like that.
As I sat in the Starbucks, I thought to myself “Why do I just shut people out?” “Is it because I’m not “fully out” I had to wonder.
Had I began my downward slide into becoming one of those old maids that just go shopping?
Come to think of it. I kinda regret not giving him a chance.
Are my standards for a boyfriend too strict and high that it’s virtually unattainable?
Is there a time when everyone must lower their expectations?


reynz said...

you're not out yet? better do the move. it took me 88 years to get out of this dark stinking closet and since then, I had the best years of my life. it's total liVEration! so the next time somebody's checking on you? here's the line that I use and it guaranteed you're gonna get the guy: just say - "I love you!" twist your lips in a smack way then wink.

Email me what happens next.



powerbottom.ph said...

i think youve just got to be more open to possibilities. maybe he isnt bf material but maybe he fills the shoes of a meantime guy or the emergency f-bud; hell the worst that he could be would be a friendly acquaintance and that still wouldn't hurt now would it? =)

Q The Conqueror said...

well... at some point, you'll have to lower your expectations. I was like that before, expecting too much, and giving too little. But somehow, a one-night stand became something more and I ended up with a boyfriend(I dont really understand it myself).

Anyways, you're in America! I'm sure there are lotsa hot guys there who'd be willing to go the distance. :D

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@reyna- i don't think i'm prepared to be out yet. i know it'll happen soon, but hopefully in my own timetable.i can be gay in other cities like manila or when i'm on vacation...but just not my own. i'm just a big ol' scaredy cat.

@powerbottom- perhaps you're right. sometimes i get so defensive about being gay and not wanting to be outed at the wrong time

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@Q- America's all great...lots of hot guys but where I live many many many of them are STRAIGHT. These parts of the woods are H-O-M-O-P-H-O-B-I-C. I mean the city council even disallowed a Pride Parade the year before. Bah! Hopefully I'll be able to move soon. And stories like yours do give yours truly hope of a lasting relationship...


Sometimes, you just have to take a chance, take a risk, see what happens. Maybe he was just being friendly.

closet case said...

hey john. i dont think its about lowering expectations or standards. its just simply putting people into categories "mr right" "mr right now" "mr write off". i guess he fell into the 'write off' category. just enjoy the flattering feeling of being cruised... and saying no thank you! no regrets!

reynz said...

i certainly can relate, i only came out when i came to the US, so it was a shocker to my fraternity, my college friends and... tadang!!! my girlfriendS with an "S".

take your time, some magic moment will happen that will out you. be prepared - u will love that moment. or???


empress maruja said...

I might have refused the guy as well, but at the end of the day I would say to myself "Ang oportunidad, Mare...Ang oportunidad" and turn into Mary Palmer again.

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@misterhubs- I should've done it.

@closet- those categories are dead on! but I am choosy as well. too picky for my own good.

@reyna- I hope that moment comes soon. Perhaps a change in location might just do the trick.

@empress- I regret not doing it. I should've just been friendly.

chase said...

wow, ang taray ni ateh.
anyway, i don't know what to say..
they said it all . =)

Anonymous said...

You're not out yet? oh same here... well luck might not be on d way for a hubby.... :(