Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Lower Expectations?

I’m completely oblivious when people start to flirt with me.

Last Sunday while searching for the perfect birthday gift for Mommie Dearest, I saw the perfect Diane Von Furstenberg tote bag. Granted, Mommie Dearest isn’t really fond of tote bags, but I did feel sorry for her when I saw her balancing her papers in one arm and her LV speedy in another. I think she needs something to just hold all her papers together.

As I perused the selection, I was completely unaware that someone was perusing me. Well, not completely. I did see him peeking at me but paid no notice. I was still mired in what to choose. When I’m shopping, the whole world just kinda goes away and yours truly is oblivious of anything happening around me. I looked over at the Calvin Klein shirts and saw the “50% off” sign. I walked over to the rack and started to quickly review the shirts; picking out the ones I liked. I leafed through it like the pages through a book. Then Asian guy said, “Hey. Be more careful. These are expensive clothes you know…”
I smiled and laughed it off.
Obviously this guy has never heard of what expensive really is. When I hear the word expensive I think Christian Dior Couture or Chanel.
I immediately went back to looking at the shirts.
He was trying to make eye and I wasn’t making it easy.
I picked out the shirts I wanted: a black cotton polo and a long-sleeved striped.
Asian boy once again sidled up next to me to the counter to pay.
“Nice Shirts.” He said.
I smiled.
“These are the ones I picked” He raised the two DKNY t-shirts.
I smiled.
I swiped my Amex.
“Nice card.” He said.
I smiled.
Then I left.
Just like that.
As I sat in the Starbucks, I thought to myself “Why do I just shut people out?” “Is it because I’m not “fully out” I had to wonder.
Had I began my downward slide into becoming one of those old maids that just go shopping?
Come to think of it. I kinda regret not giving him a chance.
Are my standards for a boyfriend too strict and high that it’s virtually unattainable?
Is there a time when everyone must lower their expectations?

12 comments:

reynz said...

you're not out yet? better do the move. it took me 88 years to get out of this dark stinking closet and since then, I had the best years of my life. it's total liVEration! so the next time somebody's checking on you? here's the line that I use and it guaranteed you're gonna get the guy: just say - "I love you!" twist your lips in a smack way then wink.

Email me what happens next.

:-)

www.reynaelena.com

powerbottom.ph said...

i think youve just got to be more open to possibilities. maybe he isnt bf material but maybe he fills the shoes of a meantime guy or the emergency f-bud; hell the worst that he could be would be a friendly acquaintance and that still wouldn't hurt now would it? =)

Q The Conqueror said...

well... at some point, you'll have to lower your expectations. I was like that before, expecting too much, and giving too little. But somehow, a one-night stand became something more and I ended up with a boyfriend(I dont really understand it myself).

Anyways, you're in America! I'm sure there are lotsa hot guys there who'd be willing to go the distance. :D

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@reyna- i don't think i'm prepared to be out yet. i know it'll happen soon, but hopefully in my own timetable.i can be gay in other cities like manila or when i'm on vacation...but just not my own. i'm just a big ol' scaredy cat.

@powerbottom- perhaps you're right. sometimes i get so defensive about being gay and not wanting to be outed at the wrong time

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@Q- America's all great...lots of hot guys but where I live many many many of them are STRAIGHT. These parts of the woods are H-O-M-O-P-H-O-B-I-C. I mean the city council even disallowed a Pride Parade the year before. Bah! Hopefully I'll be able to move soon. And stories like yours do give yours truly hope of a lasting relationship...

MISTERHUBS said...

Sometimes, you just have to take a chance, take a risk, see what happens. Maybe he was just being friendly.

closet case said...

hey john. i dont think its about lowering expectations or standards. its just simply putting people into categories "mr right" "mr right now" "mr write off". i guess he fell into the 'write off' category. just enjoy the flattering feeling of being cruised... and saying no thank you! no regrets!

reynz said...

i certainly can relate, i only came out when i came to the US, so it was a shocker to my fraternity, my college friends and... tadang!!! my girlfriendS with an "S".

take your time, some magic moment will happen that will out you. be prepared - u will love that moment. or???

www.reynaelena.com

empress maruja said...

I might have refused the guy as well, but at the end of the day I would say to myself "Ang oportunidad, Mare...Ang oportunidad" and turn into Mary Palmer again.

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

@misterhubs- I should've done it.

@closet- those categories are dead on! but I am choosy as well. too picky for my own good.

@reyna- I hope that moment comes soon. Perhaps a change in location might just do the trick.

@empress- I regret not doing it. I should've just been friendly.

chase said...

wow, ang taray ni ateh.
anyway, i don't know what to say..
they said it all . =)

JOSH said...

You're not out yet? oh same here... well luck might not be on d way for a hubby.... :(